Summer Says...

Who's afraid of commitment?

2012-01-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

A few years ago an acquaitance joked I might be afraid of commitment (after I relayed that I had tried soccer, softball, basketball, swimming, etc. for one year each). If that were ever the case, I don't think anyone could accuse me of it now.

On December 22nd, I made a commitment that will last until I die. I had permanent eyeliner done. And I love it!

My coworkers and I had been talking about it for a while. One jumped in and had her lips lined and the other had her eyes done. I was impressed with how both turned out and called to schedule my appointment.

I walked into a spa-like room - there was calming music, a waterfall fountain and a super comfortable bed/chair/table thing set up. I settled in and the artist and I talked about what I wanted. She removed my existing eye make up and applied a numbing gel. Then she turned out the lights and left me to relax for about 30 minutes so the numbing could work. When she came back in, she made an initial slit with the tattoo gun and applied more numbing gel. The slit burned a little - like a papercut, but wasn't exactly painful. After another 20 minute wait, it was time for color.

The sound of the tattoo gun was a touch unnerving at first, but I got over it pretty quickly. She started by lining my upper right lid, then the lower lid. I felt pressure and a slight tickle, but it was not painful at all. The outside corner of my right lower lid got a little uncomfortable. I must have flinched a little because she asked me about it. I told her it hurt a little, but I could bear it. She wouldn't allow it - and instead applied more numbing gel and did my left eye.

About halfway through my left eye, she commented I was the easiest client she'd ever had. I told her I was afraid of being the biggest wuss, so I had retreated to my happy place. In my mind, I was on a white sandy beach in Mexico with a cabana boy supplying bottomless strawberry daiquiris. She laughed at that.

She finished up my left eye and wiped the excess ink off my lids. I was surprised it was over so quickly and told her I would have to cancel my second daiquiri. She finished my right lower eyelid and that was that. My eyes felt a little heavy as I drove home - puffy more than tired.

I applied a cold eyemask to help with swelling. It had holes for my eyes, so I could continue with plans - helping with Christmas decorations, wrapping gifts, etc. By the time my mom saw me that afternoon, I had minimal swelling, but had developed some bruising. The next morning, they were more swollen (probably from sitting up and doing too much the day prior), so I reapplied the chilled mask. By Christmas eve night, I was back to normal and wore a light coating of mascara. I did the same for church on Sunday.

By Tuesday, I wore my regular make up. It took me less than 10 minutes to put my face on - a huge improvement over my 20+ minute routine. I know that sounds like a ridiculous difference - but I would apply eyeliner, then clean it up, then mascara, then clean up any smudges, then apply eyeliner again most mornings. I'm so much lower maintenance now, haha!

Thursday Tunes

2011-11-17T15:17:00.000-08:00

These three songs have topped my playlist lately. I recommend them highly and hope they speak to you as well.

Sorry it's a concert video - but it's pretty good quality.

Another not great video - but that just makes it easier to listen to the song at work since you know you are not missing anything visually. Ha!

This one has spoken to my heart lately.

I saw Tenth Avenue North in concert on Friday and it was a great show. Trevor Morgan (first video) opened with a few acoustic songs (amazingly talented!) and Third Day headlined (also fantastic). Enjoy...

Be unstoppable, Inspire envy & Push on

2011-11-09T15:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I woke up with a seriously sore throat. It was so bad, I battled my inner cheapskate and stopped at the gas station to get lozenges. After paying 10 cents less that what a whole bag costs at my local big box store...I immediately popped one in hoping for relief.

About an hour later, I opened my second one and noticed this...

Apparently Halls is now putting inspirational messages on their cough drops. Did you know this? My initial response was that it's a little ridiculous...but as I've thought more about it, I think I might just like it. After all, when could you possibly use some cheering on more than when you aren't feeling 100%?

The messages vary from those pictured to "nothing you can't handle," "march forward," "take charge and mean it," etc. Pep talks for when it hurts to talk...or swallow...or if you're coughing (which I'm thankfully not!). What would be your slogan of choice?

Ghostly!

2011-10-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago, I made cake balls for a dessert fellowship at church and also for a co-worker's birthday. For that particular batch, I used Nutella instead of icing to mix with the baked cake. They turned out delicious - if you ever wanted a variation using a wholesome chocolate-hazelnut spread (which totally cracks me up in the commercials...as wonderful as Nutella is, let's be honest about it's nutritional deficiencies).

Anyway...after we got home from church, my mom had an idea to make them ghost-shaped using orange flavored cake mix (I had no idea this even existed!) and vanilla almond bark. We also made a vanilla cake version and colored the icing with food coloring so those ghosts would be orange inside too (I would recommend coloring the cake itself too - so the color is a little more vivid).

Here's how...

Ingredients
1 cake mix - any flavor
Oil, eggs, butter, water - whatever your cake mix package requires to bake the cake
1 can icing - in a complimentary flavor to your cake (and not the whipped version - though if it's all you can find you can use 1 1/2 containers to make it work)
1 package vanilla almond bark (chocolate works for regular cake balls but wouldn't have the ghost effect needed for these).
1 T shortening or canola oil
miniature chocolate chips
white sanding sugar (optional)
cupcake liners (for serving ease, also optional)

Directions
Two days prior to serving, bake your cake mix according to package directions - adding food coloring if desired. Cool completely. Crumble cake in a large bowl. Stir in icing until completely incorporated. Using a small serving spoon (meaning the big ones in your silverware drawer you can't exactly eat with due to mouth size restrictions, but not the large ones you use for serving up Thanksgiving dinner), place some of the cake mixture in your left hand (unless you're left handed, then you may want to use your right). Roll like a snake so that the mixture compacts. Set the bottom of your snake in the palm of your hand so the base flattens, then using the fingers of your opposite hand, shape into a ghost. I liked how the indention of my fingers made the ghost shapes more draped like Pac-man ghosts. Place formed ghosts back in the pan you baked the cake in (I'm all about less dishes, folks). You'll likely need an extra container depending on the size of your ghosts because they don't stack as well as balls do (now there's a sentence I never expected to type). Chill overnight.

When you are ready to cover and decorate...Melt almond bark in microwave according to package directions. I like to add the shortening or canola oil between an interval of melting. I found it makes the almond bark smoother and a little shinier too. Lay waxed paper on your work space while bark melts and get your ghosts/balls/whatever shape you molded (I won't judge) from your refrigerator. If coating balls, use two forks or a spoon or whatever works best for you, to dip and completely cover, then set on waxed paper to harden. If you made ghosts (or I imagine this would be true with snowmen too), I found it easier to set them about an inch or so apart and then drizzle the melted bark over them with a spoon making sure they were totally covered. This allowed a thinner coating (stretching our bark) and created a neat draping effect that I thought worked well for the ghosts. Sprinkle with sanding sugar and use mini-chips to create the eyes and mouth. Alternately, you can also poke holes in your ghosts with a toothpick and insert the pointy side of the chip. My mom found this to work better since the bark seemed to melt the chocolate chip. Chill overnight. Place in cupcake liners to serve (unless it's family, then save a tree and just set them on a platter).

I hope you enjoy!

Walking Her Home

2011-10-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

This song was one of several played during the slideshow at my Aunt's celebration of life service. I still cannot listen to it without tearing up. With a few detail changes (mostly in timing at the end), it is the story of my Aunt and Uncle. It's also the love story I've prayed for and dreamed about my whole life. It saddens me for my Uncle's loss (and their kids too) and also to realize I'm too old for being walked home.

I think it's time for a new dream.

Blessings (a song, not a list)

2011-09-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

This song has come up three times in as many months - first in conversation, second in Sunday school and lastly on Facebook. I've typed and retyped the sentence that should go here no less than 5 times and it has yet to come out right. Guess it's best to let the song speak and keep my words silent.

Blessings - Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Courtesy of lyricshall.com

Broken Heart

2011-08-30T16:50:00.000-07:00

This cannot be a good sign...

8:28

2011-08-16T17:45:00.000-07:00

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This verse keeps appearing in my life lately. There are so many things that I have difficulty understanding - some have been building over time and some have been faster in their approach. Some I recognize immediately as good - and others I cannot possibly fathom.

I'm struggling to see how lonliness can work for good; how a sudden and terminal diagnosis can work for good; how children starving and/or enduring abuse can work for good. I don't see where good can come from one family losing a child, only to have their remaining one face cancer 20 years later. I cannot find the good in record-breaking heat and drought.

But...

I believe in God. I have faith and trust in His word. I know my mind is too small for the big picture. So I pray His will be shown and done despite my myopic view cannot see the good. I am grateful for the good He sees in me that others miss and my He open my eyes to the good I fail to see in others.

My Weekend (in pictures)

2011-07-25T15:30:00.000-07:00

I was blessed to attend the wedding of a college friend this past weekend. I contemplated not going because the last wedding I attended did not leave me feeling so great about life. I'm so glad I pushed that behind me and went anyway. It was wonderful to see my friends from college. It bears repeating, I love friendships that pick right up where they left off.

Promises

2011-06-24T05:17:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe it has been nearly two months since my last post. I know I am infrequent (especially compared to friends), but this is ridiculous. In my defense, I have been travelling for work and am pretty worn out by the time I have an internet connection either at home or a hotel.

All the time on the road has provided quite a bit of time (probably too much) for reflection and contemplation. Which brings us to this post. I've been pondering God, answered/unanswered prayer and His promises.

A day does not go by where I do not read or see evidence of God's answered prayers and fulfilled promises. For other people. I see pictures of thriving babies, read status updates on anticipated wedding days, milestone anniversaries and life working out in general. Meanwhile, I'm feeling like I can't catch a break. You all know I don't have the husband, kids and white picket fence I've dreamed and prayed for since I was old enough to want those things. In addition to that, I've been dealing with car troubles (where I have had my one reprieve - my newly balanced tires weren't properly balanced - so thankfully, a re-balance fixed my problems. I thought I was looking at a $1,500 car repair - a $30 redo by a different mechanic is much much better), more stress than is typical and an overall feeling of being broke and broken.

There is evidence throughout the Bible - Noah's Ark, Hannah and Samuel, the birth and crucifixion of Christ - where God delivers on His word. In my own personal circle, I have numerous friends giving Him glory for their fulfilled promises. And I celebrate with them. I'm genuinely happy for them. I've cried joyful tears over their stories. And I glean a little hope in their answered prayers.

All that to say, I fully believe God is of His word. My question is, How do you know what God has promised in your life?

I have another two days of driving to keep on thinking.

Heaven

2011-04-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

Have any of you read this book? I finished about a week ago and it has left me thinking. I had several friends exclaim what a fantastic book it is. And I agree, the story is nothing short of amazing. I got especially motivated to read it during an "end of times" conversation at work. A co-worker stated, "You all need to read Heaven is For Real. It will make you feel better about Heaven."

Well, here's the deal. I did not feel bad about Heaven to begin with. I have questions, of course, but I have never doubted the existence of God, Jesus, Heaven and Hell. Those have been steady absolutes in the course of my faith. But after reading this book, I'm even less ready to get there than I was before.

As I stated, my motivation started with an end of times conversation. I firmly believe no one but God knows when that day will come. I also firmly believe that when it's your time to go, it's your time to go regardless of the activity you are currently engaged in. I do not use that as an excuse to participate in things I deem reckless or just plain scary. In short, I will not be sky-diving any time soon.

Prior to reading this book, I had not given much thought to how Heaven is organized. Of course I've pictured the mansion-lined streets of gold - all with gorgeously manicured lawns and pristine perfect flowers in front. But I had not given much thought to whether those mansions were family or individual dwellings.

In the book, Colton describes meeting his dad's grandfather - who had passed away long before he was born. Pop knew exactly who Colton was in his family and greeted him accordingly. So this makes me think that Heaven is organized by families - at least to some extent. And as I do not have one of my own, I am worried now about spending eternity alone. I know how irrational that sounds. I know that God does not want us to worry or be anxious. Believe me I know. I've had people my whole life reiterate those specific scriptures to me because I worry more than average. I simply do not know how to stop.

Ridiculous as it may be, this has really had me struggling for the past few days. I have watched friends have their prayers answered - and for that matter, prayers I prayed for friends get answered too. I'm so genuinely happy for them - one in particular makes me cry with joy every time I think of them. Yet, there is this very human piece of me wondering if the prayers I pray for myself will be answered. I used to fear being terminally single, but now, I fear spending eternity as a party of 1 too. Another worry is just what I needed.

Let me finish by saying that I do not intend for this to sound as pitiful or pathetic as it may be reading. I have typed this whole post without a single tear or even that tingly feeling in my nose. I also would not want this post to discourage you from reading the book. It is an incredible story and a very fast read. I also believe the things that make us think are also the very things that build faith. So I'm thinking...and trying not to let the thinking remain a worry.

Culture

2011-04-18T15:32:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday, my mom had an opportunity for free tickets to a show at our local university. Below is our text conversation.

Mom: Free tickets Pilobolus Cowan ctr tonite 7:30. With Tina and Carrie (co-workers of hers). Interested?? (Yes, she totally did the multiple question mark thing.)
Me: I don't know what that is, but sure.

Friends, let me tell you what it is. I Googled the word and had two options - an interpretive dance troupe and a type of fungus. I couldn't make that up. Thankfully, Pilobolus turned out to be the interpretive dance troupe. Because seriously, who wants to go watch fungus? It was really interesting. There are videos on their site to preview if you're interested.

Although I know they are not the same, I often relate interpretive dance with modern-style. And the whole time I sat there wondering if this was what Martha Graham envisioned her creation evolving into. And while it isn't likely something I would want to see again - I did appreciate the strength and grace in their movements.

What I did not appreciate was all the running water music in the last dance. By curtain call, I had to run out of the theater to answer nature's call. :-)

Wildflowers & Feet

2011-04-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

Going to bed Saturday night, I did not think I could love the children these feet belong to more than I did at that moment. But then there was Sunday...

I'm also really digging the "Instagram" app for my phone...

Happiness...

2011-03-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

While I'm not the photographer in my group of friends (by any stretch!), I have been making a conscious effort to take more pictures. I took this one about six weeks ago on my poor quality phone camera. Then, since it was almost my bday, the phone guy transferred my pictures to my new phone for free. SO I worked this one through the Instamatic app and am pleased with the results...

I need to write...

2011-03-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe it's been more than a month since my last post. It's not like life has stood still in the last 32 days - quite the opposite in fact. I simply haven't had anything I felt worth sharing - or that wasn't redundant.

I visited the motherland on the 18th for my sister's roommate's birthday, then headed to Austin for her best friend's birthday. We ended up at Pete's Piano Bar - which is always big fun.

The following weekend was spent catching up and visiting with the kiddos. It had been nearly a month since I had seen them all! Which is crazy hard to believe since we live so close. Everyone is so busy though - basketball, cheer and soon to add softball and t-ball to the mix. Whew, I'm worn out thinking about it! But I also love it. I'm especially excited to watch first-year t-ball again. There's nothing like it!

The next weekend was my birthday. I shipped the parents off to Hawaii and spent a lot of time doing laundry and watching trash tv. I treated myself to a massage, but other than that, it was just another Saturday. I used to love my birthday. I would start counting down in January. Now, they are just sad.

But if my birthday was depressed, last weekend was just the Prozac to fix it. It was Woo Girls Spring Fling 2011. We laughed, ate, shopped, laughed, drank a little, talked, ate and laughed some more. It was absolutely fabulous. I'm so grateful to my friend, Kristin, for hosting us in her lovely home. I'm also thankful to her husband for allowing us to invade while he and their daughter vacated. We certainly missed those who could not make it and I am very excited for our get-together scheduled for May.

Either perfect segue or a total non-sequitir...I've struggled a lot with not fitting in. I'm not sure if it comes simply from being a girl. Or from being a tall, big girl, but it's more common for me to feel outside the group than a part of it.

With my Woo Girls, this is so much less the case. Which is sort of odd since superficially, I have less in common with them than they with each other. They are all married. Most have a child (or children). Sure, we share a same high school, some of us share past experiences and more than one of us share a crazy love for shoes. But when we get together, we all just get each other. It's an amazing answered prayer.

By contrast though, I've felt a lot lately that I don't belong in a place where every one is supposed to be welcome. Where anyone can come and receive love and encouragement. I'm really struggling with the lack of all-inclusive fellowship opportunities. It could be my own sensitivities/insecurities, but we have not had an all member fellowship since Thanksgiving. February was dedicated to couples and so far March has been all about families. And I don't qualify for those. My initial reaction was a little angry and bitter. But as I sat last night waiting for a quick meeting to start, I was shocked to find a tear rolling down my cheek. I had not realized how hurt I was to not be included. It was an almost surreal feeling.

Hopefully all of that will get better in the coming months. Maybe my circumstances will change or maybe I will.

Tomorrow...

2011-02-13T17:55:00.000-08:00

"If I speak in the tongues of men or angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

I've been having trouble sleeping, which I'm sure is a phase. The other night I posted on FB something about needing an on/off switch for my mind. But the thoughts are fueled by my lonely heart - so it's more accurate to say I need to switch it off. If I could quit feeling, this loveless life wouldn't hurt so damn bad.

Bloom Where You are Planted?

2011-01-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

I’ve heard this saying a million times in my life – mostly from people on the outskirts of my world and not in reference to me. I’m not sure where it originated or why necessarily. I’m sure you’ve heard it before too.

Having a teeny bit of gardening knowledge, the saying itself sort of cracks me up. Not every seed is going to bloom where it’s plopped in earth. If you planted a cactus in Seattle, it would not flourish any more than a water lily in the deserts of Arizona.

I do not have the greenest of thumbs, but it’s not totally killer black either. I do well with most house plants – ivies, ferns and even a ficus has thrived in my care. I managed to not kill an African Violet for two years.

Every year, I plant an Amaryllis before Christmas knowing in 6-8 weeks I’ll be rewarded with a statuesque base for a gorgeous bursting bloom (in red – I usually get red). This year was no exception. I enjoy the process of rehydrating the dirt that comes in the kit, nestling the bulb just so and watering it as needed. With these fast growing plants, each watering brings a reward of progress. The leaves grow – you can see the base of the bloom – all things that let you know you are taking good care of this flower.

Normally that is. This year, my Amaryllis seems to be defective. I have three tall, healthy leaves – one at about 2 feet in length. But I have no sign of a bloom.

As someone who tends to look for signs, specifically those related to reasons to hope, this does not forecast well. I keep watering, feeding and whispering sweet nothings hoping for a turn around. I hope this is not a metaphor. All leaves and no flower.

I Prefer O's...

2011-01-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Kashi,

I am a 31 year (10 months and 8 days, but who's counting?) old, single, female. As a result of that single status, I'm working on making health improvements that will also (hopefully) make me more attractive to a potential mate.

With 2011 resolutions in hand, I purchsed several of your products in the last 12ish days. One of these products include the Honey Toasted oat cereal in the convenient "to go" cups. I opened the container this morning expecting a healthier, grown-up version of honey-nut cheerios. Imagine my bewilderment to see heart shaped oat puffs mixed in. Perhaps I should have expected such with the "heart to heart" on the box. And while I'm sure your crafty food stylists/marketers did this to reiterate the "heart-healthiness" of your cereal, I am not a fan.

For one, there are more than enough heart shaped marketing ploys in the world. Watch any jewelry commercial from mid-November through December and from late January to February and one is OVERloaded with hearts. Add to that the "last-minute" aisle at your local drug store and any Hallmark location and it's impossible to avoid them. The last place I need a heart is in my cereal. Second, I'm choosing to eat a grown-up cereal - the addition of the heart-shaped puffed oat does not make it more fun. Sugar would (seriously, a little extra sweetness would be appreciated), but I know the ramifications go against my purpose. I appreciate your efforts, but I would prefer plain O's, please.

Now, before you write me off as another bitter single woman, let me add a final note. While I've never walked the aisle, I have married friends and have watched enough Sex and the City/Divorce Court/other trash tv I shouldn't own up to having viewed, to step out on a limb and say that married women would likely prefer just the O's too.

Sincerely,
Me

Good News

2011-01-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

A little more than two years ago, my dad was involved in a fatality shooting. I initially blogged about it here.

As it was an officer-involved shooting (especially since it resulted in a death), the Texas Rangers (in their pre-Walker/Chuck Norris days - another day another post there though!) were commissioned to investigate. Evidence including guns, bullets, etc. were sent to the local crime lab. They were then transferred to DPS lab for evaluation. Almost 26 months ago.

Time passed without an update. My dad worked using his "back-up" gun as the pistol involved was in possesion of the lab. I thought about it less each day, but a piece of me stayed worried about what would happen next. In any crime/shooting/incident with evidence, the evidence and reports are presented to a grand jury to either true-bill (indict - carry forward into trial) or no-bill (dismiss completely). Additionally, the family of the victim has two years to file a civil suit for wrongful death.

The one year mark came and went without any new information. The two year mark came and went without any new informaiton - but with some relief knowing that there could/would not be a civil suit.

Once the two year mark came, our local newspaper (which is a small weekly paper) contacted my dad for an update on the case. When he reported that he had no new information, no report and no gun, the editor was irked. He called the DA's office, the Rangers, the crime labs and their Director. Each week he would report his findings. Amazingly, the completed ballistics/lab report was in the DA's hands within 3 weeks of the editor's first call.

The information was presented to the grand jury yesterday and they returned a no-bill. My dad gets his gun back on Monday.

It's finally over.

Praise God for good news!

Wordless Weds. - Niagara Falls, Canada

2011-01-05T15:49:00.000-08:00

Milestones...

2010-12-15T15:39:00.000-08:00

Nine years ago today, I walked across the stage to receive my diploma. Only, of course I did not receive my diploma. I received a pleather folder with a paper notifying me of when I could expect to receive my actual degree in the mail.

I walked across that stage, praying I would not trip, feeling full of the future's promise and possibility. I smiled and shook my dean's hand, posed for the gratuitous pictures (that never turns out good enough to buy) and made my way back to my seat. Where I sat for the next two hours struggling with whether to break the rules and leave or do as I was told and sit through the remaining ceremony. Obviously, I followed the rules. No surprises there.

I just knew as I walked out of Johnson Coliseum that this great big world was waiting for me to make a difference. Graduating was the first of several milestones I expected in the next few years. I was going to get a fabulous job, meet a fantastic man, have a dream wedding, buy a house and raise our kids & dog in a family friendly town. We'd be members in a local church, volunteer our time in various ways and live the white picket dream.

I can check "fabulous job" and "church member" off the list. Maybe in the next 9 years, I can check another one or two off.

A girl can dream, right?

Content

2010-11-30T15:38:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday, my class discussed being respectful (our whole unit is on relationships - in the broad sense of human interaction, not the mroe narrow significant other sense - thank goodness, otherwise I would have had to skip more than just the marriage Sunday, but I digress - don't I always digress?). We read from Epehesians 6:1-9 which talks about respect from child to parent, parent to child, slave to master and master to slave.

The slave/master section was equated to modern day employer/employee relations. In that, the question was posed, "how important is work to you?" Several answered along the lines that it was a means to pay the bills and take care of the necessities of life, but not something that identified them. I answered that it was probably more important to me than it was to most because I feel like it identifies me. Of course I don't think people see me and immediately think - there goes an HR chick - but it's a label that's mine. So I value it. For someone who doesn't have a spouse and kids, work is important to me. I'm not sure my point translated well - because several have checked in with me this week to make sure I was okay. And while it makes me very sad not to have those things (especially this time of year - can we outlaw the Kajazahelz commercials already? They are nothing but trouble - depressing singles and getting husbands/S.O.s in trouble who don't shop there!), life is what it is. And at present and the way-to-forseeable future, my labels don't include wife and mom.

Does it mean my values are off to say that my job is important to me? I don't think so. Do I realize I'm more than my job? Sure. I get that I'm a daughter, sibling, aunt, friend, etc...but I'm those things to multiple people and those people have multiples of those things. My parents have three kids, my brother/sister have two siblings, my niece/nephews have three aunts and my friends have other friends. But my job, isn't shared with anyone else, so that's a title that belongs to me. Does any of that make sense?

The discussion then went to being content. One person said there are probably 2-3 months in the year in which he is completely content with all aspects of his life - wife, kids, job, etc. Which has led me to wonder - how do you define content? I know what the dictionary says and I know the Bible tells us to be content with what we have (1 Timothy 6:8). So how do you do that? How do you not think "this can't be all there is to life?" And is it wrong to want more?

Proud

2010-11-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

To be an Army granddaughter/Navy daughter...

Taps - Papa from Summer Stewart on Vimeo.

This is from my grandfather's funeral in May 2009. He served in WWII and had full military burial with taps and all. I thought you taps played in the background, but it doesn't. I must not have recorded it. I'm also not sure why I cut the video when I did - they presented the flag to my uncle, his oldest son, since my grandmother had already passed away.

My dad and his siblings considered not doing the full military burial, but I'm so glad they did. It's the first time I've witnessed it and to say it is moving is an understatement (and likely why the video cuts when it did).

Thank you to all who served and continue to do so.

*I realize this is a few hours late...I had no idea it would take 6 hours for my video to load...mea culpa*

Read today...

2010-10-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Our office gets a lot of solicitation magazines - you know the ones that sell random stuff? Well, in Potpourri they have a print with the following words:

"Life is not a race - but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say 'thank you,' 'I love you,' and 'great job' to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pan and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become what you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it freese the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment." Bonnie Mohr

Today, the words struck me.

*Edit - I realized last night as I lay my head on the pillow that I didn't credit the quote - mea culpa...

Hot Topics of Late...

2010-10-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

In the last week, there have been several interesting discussions around me and involving me. Or at least, interesting to me, and have made me want to write. They are...

1. Bullying

There have been lots of stories/reports/articles about bullying of late. When I got home one evening, I walked into this story. The video is compelling and worth a look if you have a chance. It's a Ft Worth City Councilmember speaking directly to kids who have been bullied. He lets them know that it gets better and his message should be heard.

My only hesitation with this is why they feel the need to focus solely on bullying as it relates to sexual orientation. I'm afraid by doing so they likely turn off some potential supporters who shut down over anything dealing with homosexuality. Additionally, I believe it ignores the "whole" of the issue. How about instead of focusing on one sector to stop being harrassed, we promote not harrassing people at all? Why is it worse to victimize someone for their sexual preferences than say someone who is overweight? Underweight? Freckled? Poor? Different race/religion/national origin/etc.

Secondly, the campaign needs to focus not only on bullying in schools and on the web as it relates to teens and kids, but also as it relates to adults. I've seen adults pick on other adults and in my opinion, that's worse because they really should know how to act better. I've been picked on several times in my life - for a variety of reasons - and have admittedly done some picking. There was a time (most of middle school) where it felt like it was survival of the fittest. And the only way to feel better about being the fat-four-eyed kid with few friends was to find someone else to make feel worse. I'm certainly not proud of it and would take it back if I could. Even as an adult, we've made jokes at another's expense. How is that better?

If we want to change how kids interact, we have to change how we interact as well.

2. Our local news station does a controversial question of the day. Last week's question was "should a gay man be allowed to lead a boy scout troup?"

When asked, my response was, if they can abide by the rules and lead well, then what business is it of mine who they go home to. Now, I don't have kids and maybe that would change my feelings. Though, I don't think they would. I'm not going to be the next advocate for gay rights and I believe their actions are wrong, but it doesn't make them worse than any of the rest of us sinners (and we're all sinners). Are they going to deny a man to be a leader who cheated on his wife? The sin is the same. Just because a man is gay does not make him a pedophile. And not every pedophile is gay.

I think there are lots of men (and women) who can teach the character building skills Boy Scouts instills in it's members who may not have home situations we'd want modeled. How often does one really know what goes on there anyway?

I'm not trying to stir up any sort of controversy - just lay out some thoughts. I look forward to any feedback - whether agreeing or disagreeing. I think there are lots of life experiences to consider and it will be interesting to see what anyone else thinks.

My 50th Post...

2010-09-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

I should probably be doing something more fun for my 50th post (although 50 is not so impressive in the blogger groups I associate with - you girls post circles around me), but well, it's my blog, so my rules.

What are your thoughts on pet names? And I don't mean pets like the four legged, finned, or God-forbid slither variety. I mean pet names for other people.

When I was younger - especially in my previous job in the oil & gas industry - it was not uncommon for vendors to call me sweetie. Unless the tone was condescending, it didn't bother me too much from the men because most were old enough to be my dad. From some of the women, I was less than thrilled, but not offended. It happens a lot less now, but it rarely bothers me.

But as for my usage of them - eh, that's where I get weird (or perfectly normal - I'll judge by the feedback!).

When it comes to my niece and nephews, I'll throw out a "baby," "punkin'," or "sweetie" and not think twice about it. With some friends, I can easily use a sympathetic bless-your-heart style "oh, honey", or a version a little more feisty - as in, "honey, don't get me started" without a second thought.

So I ask you, ever faithful audience - am I a weirdo about this pet name stuff?

In other 7 news…

2010-08-31T18:29:00.001-07:00

Today is Cooper’s 7th Birthday!

Dearest Mini Boy Cooper,

Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoyed a day of guarding the house in peace.

Seven years ago, I didn’t quite know you yet. We will celebrate your “Gotcha” day in a couple of months. Your parents, Little Boy Blue and your mom (whose name I don’t remember offhand) would be proud of the canine you have become.

You have the best non-Chihuahua disposition. You do not yap, but bark if necessary. Your worst habit is jumping at the back of our knees when you are excited we’re finally home. With a welcome so genuine though, it’s hard to be mad at you.

I love that your favorite place to hang out is on the back of the couch – so you can see outside, or any available lap. I love when you bury your head on my sternum and give good hugs with your paws on either side. When someone is sick, you are quick to play nurse, never leaving our bedside until we are well.

You are so very good with the kids. You came home with me a week after A was born and have always adored her. R looks for you immediately after coming in the house and K loves you so much, it’s gotta be uncomfortable, but you tolerate it with out a growl.

I’m so glad we chose each other!

Love,

Workaversary

2010-08-25T16:57:00.000-07:00

Seven years ago, I walked into my first day of work wide-eyed, excited and thankful to have lucked into a job so quickly following my resignation/layoff from my previous employer. I was all set to learn the ropes of this new company in a totally different industry.

After some ups, downs and lots of learning experiences, I am in a job that matches my degree. I answer a lot of hard questions - mostly no, but sometimes, I get to help make things better. Those days are the best. I'm grateful for my job stability, autonomy and that I have a voice that matters in the company.

My supervisor toasted (with our 7Up), "Here's to another 7 years!" and I asked for it in writing...

Now, if I could only accomplish as much in my personal life as I have professionally...

A Tale of Two Eyes…

2010-08-16T16:53:00.001-07:00

The Lasik Post

My appointment was at 11:00 Tuesday, August 10. I got there about fifteen minutes early for good measure. I had to fill out a few forms and they administered my valium and some eye drops. Dr. S got there and did a few measurements. He made marks on my eyes to also correct the slight astigmatism I’d developed in the last few years.

From there, I went into the laser room. The part you lie on resembles a dental chair – something very familiar to me. It’s inclined such that your head is a little lower than your feet. They handed me a stuffed dog to hold onto.

Dr. S applied the suction to my right eye, then swung me to the left so the laser could cut the flap in my lens. He then did the same with my right eye. The suction was probably the most uncomfortable part of the whole experience, and it wasn’t too bad. It’s mostly a feeling of pressure and I’m pretty sure I could feel my brain move (not really, but that’s what I equated it to). After the flaps were cut, you can see a sort of white veil over your eyes. These are bubbles and fluid trapped under the flap.

Then, Dr. S applied a speculum (not at all like the kind at the other Dr’s office) to keep my eyes opened. He had to tape my lashes back and commented that I was great at following directions. I told him I was a little Type A. Haha. After rigging my right open, he swung me under the actual laser. Aside from friends and relatives having a great experience with this particular Dr., I chose the eye center I used because their Lasik laser is so smart. It knows if your eye is where it needs to be or not and if it gets out of range, the whole machine shuts down to avoid risking damage to the eye.

The right eye was harder for me to keep focused than the left. You’re supposed to stare at a blinking red light, which was obviously hard to see because of my already poor vision, but also because of the white veil. Add to that, my left eye kept looking towards the Dr and techs who were talking, and of course my right wanted to follow. About 45 seconds in, my eye was out of range and the machine stopped. The tech realized my left eye was part of the problem, so she covered it with gauze and we finished without an issue. They rigged my left, and put me under the laser again. We made it through the full minute of lasering without an issue.

Within about 10 minutes of completing the left eye, they had removed all the rigging, applied all my drops and I was walking out the door. Everything was fuzzy, but visible. Dr. S double checked the flappage called it good and gave me all my post-op instructions.

While my eyes were still anesthetized, my mom and I headed to one of my favorite local spots for lunch, The Potpourri House. This place has an incredible salad bar and some of the best French Onion Soup I’ve ever had. I know that doesn’t sound too unique – but their salad bar isn’t salad fixings (that’s only a small portion), it’s a bar filled with already made salads. Greatness! And quite a tangent…

(her name badge reads Dr. Feelgood – which is oogy b/c it’s my mom and b/c it came in the doctor play set we got the kiddos)

I fell asleep on the drive home (the valium finally kicked in). At the house, my mom administered more drops (I was a little nervous that first 24 hours), I took some ibuprofen PM and went back to sleep for as long as I could. My Dr. said that would really help ease the swelling faster. I think that resulted in me experiencing no pain or discomfort. I never felt like I had an eyelash in my eye or any of the other negatives they warned me against. When I went to bed that night, my mom taped the shields on (to prevent me from accidentally rubbing/tearing the flap) and I took more PM meds.

Wednesday morning, I got up, scrubbed the tape adhesive off as best as I could and we headed in for my follow-up. They had me read the testing sign, I measured 20/25 in each eye, 20/20 combined. I had missed two letters, so I’m not sure how that worked, but that’s what he Dr. said. He gave me a few follow-up instructions regarding my drops and told my mom to back off the tape. You could almost hear my cheeks peel away from the microscope!

We ran some errands, then came home and I took another nap for good measure. Thursday night, I engineered the shields with a sleeping mask (I was not going to be so sticky at work!).

I still have a little peripheral blurriness and I seem to get tired of the computer a little faster. All of that is pretty normal and should be temporary. I have my next appointment on Thursday and then another in a month. The whole thing has been pretty amazing. If I ever win the lottery, I’d totally pay for my family and friends to have Lasik. Life changing doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Sight and Speed...

2010-08-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

So, if you read any of my FB posts, you know I've been contemplating Lasik. I've worn corrective lenses since I was 9. A week ago Friday, I had all my testing done and scheduled my surgery. As I sat waiting for the tech to go over some information with me, I confess that I got pretty teary-eyed. It's been 22+ years since I've been able to see clearly without something on my face or stuck in my eye. The realization that within just a few days, this won't be the case any more is a little overwhelming.

I'm excited to report that my procedure is tomorrow at 11-ish. If you happen to read this before then, I would appreciate a prayer that all goes well. I'm a little nervous because, obviously sight is a pretty big deal. I'm confident in the skills of my surgeon though and look forward to being lens free!

Another exciting thing this week - Wednesday is my last day on deferred adjudication. I got a ticket in Februray 2009 - and took nearly the full 90 days allotted to do defensive driving.
Then, just a few days shy of completing those 12 months, I got another ticket. In order to prevent it from being on my record, I opted to request deferred adjudication. Through court processes - that didn't start until almost a month after the ticket. So that 90 days probation was closer to 120, and it's been an anxiety filled time.

I'm soooo excited that come Thursday, I can see and speed!

My Biggest Fear...

2010-08-06T15:30:00.000-07:00

aka - Why I'll do everything possible to be on the good side of my niece & nephews

This is a story from our local news:

Man was dead in home for months say Palestine Police

MONTHS people...he was found wearing a COAT! It hasn't been coat-weather in our neck of the woods since February.

On another note...how bizarre is it that I've now posted 3 times in one week? I don't think it's a sign of the Apocalypse or anything. After all, Texas is still hot.

July Fun Recap

2010-08-05T18:26:00.001-07:00

In keeping with my year of fun, I need to blog about my FUNtastic July!

First, we celebrated July Fourth with a calm weekend at home. After traveling all of June, it was nice to catch up on laundry and chill in the backyard pool. On the 4th, I went to the church hamburger supper and kid’s parade. It was good fellowship celebrating our freedom.

The following weekend, we used our man-on-man defense to keep A, R and K while their parents went to float the river. We enjoyed Toy Story 3D, pool fun, the indoor water park and lots of good snuggle time.

The weekend of July 16th, I enjoyed a much needed girls weekend with the owners of these wrists.

Sadly, four were missing but we had them there in spirit. The six of us enjoyed giggles, girl talk, dancing in the kitchen, outlet shopping, wine tasting, more giggles, a great dinner and Amy’s Ice Cream. I’m so blessed to have all of these girls in my life and on my team. Go WOO girls!

After a fabulous weekend, Monday was easier to face than normal. It didn’t hurt that the following Saturday my mom and I were headed to Taos, NM. Her coworker (and my adopted Mom – haha) has a house there with her husband. The accommodations are luxurious and the hospitality, amazing.

I could type all about it, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words…

Contradiction in Terms (aka my shortest post yet)

2010-08-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like you couldn't be more alone and yet, couldn't be more loved all at the same time?

My 20s List...

2010-07-21T19:06:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Lacy, I decided to make my own list of things 31 year old Summer would say to 20ish Summer...

1. You are worth standing up for.

2. Your voice matters; use it!

3. It's okay to put your foot down. Stomp it when that makes sense. Walk away sometimes too.

4. You'll make poor decisions and stupid mistakes. You will also learn from them.

5. Embrace the power of choice. Yours and others.

6. You've never been competitive. Let go of thinking you've failed when you aren't the first.

7. If someone doesn't like you, don't sweat it. You don't particularly like everyone either.

8. Leave the self-examination to God. His grading scale is much more lenient.

9. Let others in.

10. Love isn't a romantic comedy.

11. Practice kindness, compassion and patience every chance you get. Especially with your grandparents. You won't have them long enough.

12. You won't be married at 30. Don't waste your 20s worrying about it.

13. You'll never comprehend how you could love kids you didn't birth as much as you love A, R and K. Hold them, rock them, let them sleep in your arms and kiss them every chance you get.

14. Enjoy this time. You only get one chance to live each day.

15. When you catch Pat Green's guitar pick, put it in your bra. Don't set it on your leg when you call your brother to tell him about it. It will slide off and disappear forever.

16. You survive.

17. At thirty, you have the opportunity to reconnect with some amazing women. You find yourself pouring your heart out and confessing some things serious and silly. You will find yourself wondering how you got so lucky as you read/hear their advice, support and encouragement.

18. With that, you realize that God is in control and gives you exactly what and who you need when you need it/them.

Ironically, as I wrote this list, I realized how much my 31 year old self needed these reminders too.

Final Chat Pack Question...

2010-07-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend with the most incredible women. Our group was four short, but they were there in our hearts. During the course of the weekend, we used Katy's Chat Pack to spur conversation (shock of all shocks, there were quiet moments!). Before we left, I asked my own final Chat Pack question:

"What would be your life's theme song?"

It wasn't a quick answer for any of us. During my long drive home (thank you fellow I-35ers), I had the chance to really think it over. Though it's a little slow, I decided on Life Ain't Always Beautiful.

Life Ain't Always Beautiful Lyrics
Artist: Gary Allan
Original songwriters: Cyndy Goodman, Tommy Lee James

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it sweet time

No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

Of course, for me, the whole part of hoping to see someone's pretty face does not apply, though if I took artistic license, I could sub in handsome for pretty and mean it about seeing a glimpse of my future.

I'm sure some may think it's too sad of a song, but I don't. I think it's full of hope and growth. For me, that's what my life's about.

To Dos

2010-07-14T18:08:00.001-07:00

Prior to my girls' weekend, I have some very important things on my to do list.

One of the first items - make a playlist for the drive. I'm happy to report that's done.

Now, onto laundry and packing.

I'm sure my girlfriends will love knowing that good road music ranked above my clothing concerns. No worries, ladies, clothes will make it to my suitcase. And if they don't, well, we already have a plan for that!

Just a few more days...is it too soon to start counting hours?

A literal sign?

2010-07-03T19:30:00.001-07:00

And here I've been hoping for tall, handsome and manly...

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs...

2010-07-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

Name that tune folks!

I should be doing a post about this weekend and all it means for America...but why be like everyone else?

I'm curious about how others communicate with God and even more how He communicates back to you. Do you hear a still small voice? Do you think it's through events? How about signs? I don't necessarily mean literal signs, although I think they can be used as a means to deliver His message.

For example, last week I drove through Chandler on the way to Brownsboro four different times. I don't drive through often and usually, I go through the green light (there's one stoplight) and pass on through without much thought. Last week though, I hit the light each time it turned red. So I had to slow down to pass through. Each time I noticed the sign in front of their FBC. It read, "Impatience is a form of unbelief." Four times I've read that sign. And it speaks to me. I only wish I knew how to be more patient with certain aspects of my life. I feel like I've been mostly patient, but I'm sure even mostly patient falls under the unbelief category. So was that a sign that I need to believe deeper?

Going back another few weeks...I discovered a song about two months ago that I really really like. And I think it would be a perfect (read - just sappy enough without oozing velveeta) first dance song if I ever get married (of course he'd get a vote, but as there isn't a he, that's irrelevant right now). Fast forward a little and I've been traveling for work. This leaves me with a little too much time to think alone and too often that leads to my pity party of one. I was feeling a little blue and too tired as I walked into my hotel to check-in. There were guys from Bryan (hometown shout-out!) who were having problems checking in. As a result, I had to wait a little longer in the mostly quiet lobby. As I stood there not really paying attention - familiar notes caught my ear. "My" song was playing. And it's not a well known song - so it isn't something overplayed in every hotel lobby/elevator/canned music venue. Am I silly for hoping that was a sign of reassurance that things will work out the way I pray for?

What do y'all think dear friends?

And lest I'm charged with treason...Happy 234th Birthday America!

It's not always sunny in Summer-delphia

2010-06-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

I totally don't watch that show or anything, but Summerdelphia would be a totally rockin' city.

Here lately, most of my thoughts, some comments and deleted writings seem to be accompanied by the "Debbie Downer" noise (anyone else hear cartoon-style noises in their head - or should I head straight to the looney bin alone?). I don't know what the deal is. I'm usually way past the holiday-season funk and living it up by summer time. This year is different though.

My situation is not really different overall. There've been some instances lately where I've had my feelings hurt pretty bad by people I really care about, but the consequence of saying anything is too great to have that discussion. And being that suppressed is not good for me. It makes me angry and all that gets bottled up and internalized. I hate feeling that way. I hate even more that I can't express what's going on. Most of all, I hate that I can't fix it and the liklihood for change is so so so very slim.

Oh well...I didn't intend to get into all that. I wanted to post this song - I love it. You may recognize it from the Mott's commercial with Marcia Cross. It's definitely on my to download list...

I have 5 locations left to visit in my 30 facility tour...I enjoy the traveling but would obviously benefit from a little less "me" time...

Summer...just like the season

2010-06-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had the privilege to have dinner with an high school friend. I've been working out of town and it worked out that she was free the night I was in town with her. We enjoyed Cheesecake Factory and great conversation.

I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but I ended up telling a story from my freshman year in college. In summation, I made a statement and she immediately responded that it was a good quote, so I'm going to share with you, my adoring readers (haha!).

My freshman year at A&M I lived in Mosher Hall. My friend, Alissa, also lived in the same dorm so we hung out a bit. During move-in week, I remember going downstairs to Alissa's room and she introduced me to her neighbor (maybe suitemate?) who was rushing the same sorority with her. I don't remember her name (which becomes a little ironic) - we can call her Sue for the sake of the story - and to protect her identity. We all talked a bit and she seemed nice enough.

As the semester went on, I visited Alissa's room periodically and each time I saw Sue, she would always look at me like it was the first time we'd met, so Alissa would introduce me. By October/November, I would greet her by name and she'd look at me like she just couldn't place me. At this point, it was getting under my skin that she couldn't remember me. I distinctly remember thinking at one point "Chick, I may not be in your circle of friends, but I'm still worth you knowing my name." The last part - about being worth knowing is the part my HS friend liked.

When she commented on it, it dawned on me how profound this simple experience was on me now. I make a point to remember names. One of our employees told me once that I had a freakishly good memory when it came to knowing their names and which facility they work out (by the way - we have 30+ facilities and about 400 employees - I don't claim to know them all, but I certainly remember most). I really think that's something important to me because of my Lauren experience.

My point in telling this wasn't to front out Sue(as evidenced by the fact that I didn't even remember her name) or to brag on my memory - but really to thank her. As I've gone to each location over the last month, I've had more than one employee seem surprised that I knew who they were. I see them in person one time per year - but they are important to our company. And people are important to me.

And frankly, we are all worth knowing each others' names.

Girls Gone BROADWAY!

2010-06-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

Bate your breath no more – here is my NYC blog!

Back in January, my mom decided she would like to take a girls’ trip to NYC for her 60^th birthday. We started checking prices and found a really great day for our flights and hotel. We flew out early Thursday, May 13 and came home the following Sunday. There were eight total in our group – my mom, her bff, bff’s sister, my aunt, my sister, my s-i-l, Miss A and me. It may seem daunting to travel with a group that size, but it worked out great when we wanted to see different things. We could easily split into groups of 4 or 5 & 3 and safely see the sights.

Thursday

We landed in NYC at about 1:30 and took a limo to the hotel. Miss A thought that was way too cool – mostly the neon lights and “starry” ceiling. We arrived at our hotel a little before check-in. If there was one disappointment in the trip, it was that the hotel information we had was deceiving at best. The pictures online made it appear to be right on Times Square – literally next to the theater hosting The Lion King…in all actuality, it was 3 blocks west and 2 blocks north. Not a ruiner by any stretch, but it did make us more aware of our surroundings since the area was far less crowded than we anticipated. When we checked in, we requested lower floor rooms – which turned out to also be a good idea. They had two elevators and 35 floors. One elevator broke Friday afternoon and was not fixed by the time we left Sunday. In order to get our luggage downstairs, I went to the first floor (stairs) and rode the elevator up to come back down. My s-i-l asked how I planned to keep people from joining me in the elevator car. I promised to fake a rash or fever if that’s what it took. Thankfully, it didn’t come down to that.

We had lunch at a little sandwich shop around the corner, went back and got our bags situated, then boarded the subway to Ground Zero. When I was there 2 years ago, there were still some makeshift memorials standing as well as displays of the memorials that were being designed. This time, they had moved everything to a building a block over. They also had set up a separate tribute area, but it had an admission fee. Since Miss A is 6, she didn’t have any concept of 9-11 and what happened that day, nor did she need to know all of that at this point. So I walked her through the memorial, but we focused on the souvenirs and building plans more than we did the video and stories. The last thing she needed was another reason to not be a fan of flying (ear popping was not fun for her!).

After visiting the WTC site, we worked our way up to Canal Street and Chinatown. Our mission – bags and watches. Apparently, there has been a major crackdown on this as we had a hard time getting people to share their wares with us. One guy had watches, but he got mad at the middleman we were working through and ran off shouting expletives. We did manage to go into a secret-knock room. I found a few purses and bought watches for a friend. It’s such a rush to be there and shopping “underground.”

We had decided to have dinner in Chinatown before we got there, and all of our covert shopping worked up quite an appetite. We found a place that others recommended for their noodle bowls and went in. Of course, none of us ordered noodles. We ordered super adventurous stuff like sweet and sour chicken, egg rolls, fried rice and general sao’s chicken. It was all really good and Miss A and I excitedly utilized our chopsticking skills.

With full bellies, we got back on the subway to head to the hotel via Times Square. Times Square is truly breathtaking at night when it is all lit up. After a good night’s sleep, we were ready for day two.

Friday

We purchased 3-day hop-on/hop-off bus tour tickets. These tickets included admission to the Empire State Building, Ellis Island, the Statue of Liberty and a few other things. The nice part is that the tour is designed to be at your own pace. If you came to a stop you wanted to explore, you got off, spent time there and then waited for the next bus. We got off at the Empire State Building first. After we made our way to the elevator – they told us visibility was only 2 miles. This was a total bummer and had we known sooner, we would have probably aimed to do it on Saturday. But it felt too late to turn back so we went on up. Even with fog, the view was spectacular. Sadly, due to the fog, my pictures don’t do it much justice.

From there, we headed to Battery Park to get on the ferry to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Our tickets did not provide monument access (another thing we wished we’d known ahead a time – for this to not be our first trip, we still have learning to do!). The Statue of Liberty is such an incredible monument. I am awestruck each time I see it. Ellis Island is more of a reverent tribute (in my opinion) to those who wanted to be Americans no matter the cost. It’s humbling to see how many people still feel this way and immigrate here while knowing how many of us take it for granted.

After getting back to the “mainland” (though still an island), we split our group up. The more adult half wanted to take the night tour and see the city lit up while the younger half wanted to visit Dylan’s Candy Bar and do a little uptown shopping. Dylan’s Candy Bar is quite an experience. It’s three floors of nothing but candy. Chocolate, gummies, fudge, international, domestic, you dream it they have it – gummy bras included! We loaded up way more than we needed but had a blast looking at it all. The stairs are illuminated to appear as if they are filled with gummy candy. They had a huge claw foot tub full of gumballs. And the bathroom had wallpaper resembling the wallpaper in the original Willy Wonka – though we resisted taking a taste. The third floor was a café/sundae bar and we skipped it knowing we needed something more nutritious than ice cream for dinner (darn being an adult!).

From there we headed to H&M to check it out, walked into Bloomingdale’s (long enough to utilize their facilities) and then headed back to Times Square for dinner at Hard Rock Café. At this point, we were all more worn out than we realized – my poor niece fell asleep while we waited for our food! We had quite a walk ahead of us and we were trying to figure out how to get a sleepy girl there without a fight. As we waited for my sister to check out – I saw salvation in the form of a bike taxi. I asked the guy how far he went and he asked where we were headed. I gave him the address of our hotel, warned him there were four of us and he said he could do it. So we loaded up and off we went. At points he seemed to struggle a bit and my s-i-l kept apologizing. Finally, A (who woke up in a good mood – miracle!) said, “Momma, he got this.” I tipped the guy the same price as the fare and I kid you not when I say it was the best money I spent the whole trip.

Saturday

We got up, walked down the stairs and headed to Rockefeller Center for our Today show debut. We waved and hollered as the cameras panned the outside audience. Then, while in “story” mode, my sister, s-i-l and I headed to Dean and Deluca for drinks and breakfast. Of course, while we were waiting there, the Today show interviewed a couple near our sign and the rest of our group made it onto the show. I’m good with missing that though.

(Mr. Cantore – see how good I’d look in your jacket?)

We took quite a few pictures and shopped the NBC store before heading uptown on the bus to Strawberry Fields. This is the memorial site in Central Park for John Lennon. It’s really neat. There’s a guy who has been decorating the site with flowers arranged in a peace sign everyday for nine years. He works for donations (lots of folks on the streets do). We had a hot dog lunch in the park before heading back to the hotel to refresh.

Once we’d freshened up, the 5 us (mom, s-i-l, sister, niece and me) went to see Mary Poppins. It was really good! There was a lady in front of us who was a total anti-bac overuser and that was entertaining in and of itself. After the show, we went to the American Girl store where my best friend, Jason and his girlfriend, Melissa met us.

We put my mom in a taxi to meet the others in our group to see Wicked. And then we were off…we walked through Times Square just hanging out and enjoying the sites. We had dinner at Junior’s – they are famous for their cheesecakes and it was delicious. A was sweetly jealous of the attention I gave Jason – she was all in my lap and loving on me the whole time. She’s normally sweet, but this was to the extreme (though I still enjoyed it!). We saw a group where an older man was wearing an Aggie cap – so I stopped to say hi on my way to the bathroom and of course ended up talking to them for awhile.

It was a great night of souvenir scavenging and laughing/talking with Jason and Melissa. I’m so glad they were able to come up and hang out with us. They were troopers as we walked all over looking for 7 for $10 t-shirts and when A and I rode the ferris wheel inside Toys R Us. By about 10:30/11 though, we were done for the day. They headed back to PA and we headed to bed.

Sunday

We pretty much just flew home this day. All in all, it was a wonderful trip!

Since I don't remember to take pics, I'll not likely have a food blog...

2010-05-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

But here's the recipe for your enjoyment...

Sopapilla Cheesecake

1 can crescent rolls (have you ever had a bad recipe where this was the #1 ingredient?)
2 8 oz packages cream cheese softened (or nuked for 60-90 seconds)
1/2-3/4 c sugar (depending on your sweet tooth)
3 T melted butter
1 T vanilla
1 T cinnamon
2 T sugar

Preheat oven to 350°. Grease 8 inch pan and line with half of the crescent rolls. Press seams together to form a crust. Bake 10 mins. Stir together cream cheese, sugar and vanilla. Spoon cream cheese mixture evenly over crescent rolls creating an even layer. Top with remaing crescent dough (seams pressed again). Pour melted butter over the top and sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar (those measurements aren't exact - add more if you like). Bake another 20 mins until golden brown.

Cool enough to not remove the top layers of taste buds, but I enjoy it slightly warm, so I don't cool it too long.

I hope you like it! It's very yummy and easy to throw together if you, like us keep the above ingredients on hand.

I also realize that I utilize too many parantheses in my recipes...that may also bar me from creating a food blog. I'm not an exact cook or baker. I was blessed with my grandmother's sense for it.

Lastly, at 7:15 central time, my mom, sister, sister-in-law, niece, aunt, mom's best friend, mom's best friend's sister and I will be taking off from the Tyler airport for a girls weekend in New York City (my house will remain occupied and guarded - boo on you would be burglars)for my mom's 60th birthday. If you are a Today show watcher, watch for us on Friday - we're going to do our best to get on the fence and on camera. But they start their concert series that day so it may be more crowded than we anticipate. Anyway, we are so super excited and I hope to innundate you with blog posts to follow. In fact, with the add-a-page feature, I'm considering starting a Girlfriend Getaway page. Thoughts?

April Fun Wrap-Up

2010-05-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

¡Hola Amigos! Consider that my Cinco de Mayo shout out. I hope this blog finds you all well and as full of Mexican goodies as I am. We had a fiesta at work featuring lunch from On The Border and a sopapilla cheesecake made by yours truly. Muy delicioso, indeed. Seven spanish words in the first paragraph - Ms. Novak, Ms. Fisher and Mrs. Hall - be proud.

I'm really doing my best to live out my word for the year, FUN. In January, I had the Blog Gals reunion. February featured a shopping trip in San Marcos with my mom and aunt. March featured all sorts of birthday fun for my nephew and me, as well as the Wheel of Fortune tryouts. April had some living up to do!

Chilifest
My first fun adventure in April was Chilifest on the 9th. I hadn't been to Chilifest since I moved from Bryan/College Station in 1999. I was a little worried I'd be too old to go. Come to find out, I wasn't. Sure the beer sprays were a little annoying...but it's good for your hair and when the day was at its hottest, I couldn't be too disappointed about a cool sprinkle. We had a good sized group - my sister, some of her friends, my sister-in-law and two of her friends. We enjoyed Cory Morrow, Roger Creager, Eli Young Band and Aaron Watson. By the time he was done, we were ready to head out, so we missed Dwight Yoakam.

Of course no visit to B/CS is complete with out a stop at Wings, World Market (which didn't open until way after I left) and Bucees on the drive home. We laughed, sang, danced a little and had a great time with each other.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

For my next April fun adventure, I went to the Rangers game on April 26. We had access to season tickets 19 rows off the first base line - closer to home plate than the dugout. To say the seats were incredible, is an understatement! Three coworkers and I enjoyed garlic fries (yum!), Dr. Pepper, good baseball and lots of laughs.

Most of the laughs started at the expense of these two guys behind us. They were cracking us up with this conversations:

(They were probably late 30s, a little country sounding (yes I'm sure that's pots and kettles there) and had already had a drink or two...also, they introduced themselves later so the D1 and D2 are their first initials - the 1 and 2 distinguihes for you)

D1: Dude, you gotta get on facebook.
D2: I don't have time for all that.
D1: You don't know what you're missing! There's a girl on mine who has a picture of herself all bowed up. She has star tattoos on her side (oblique area I'm guessing) that look like they're shooting and her back is all bowed up. It's the meat of the sandwich right there.

At that point, we realized we were all listening to them as we each giggled under our breaths.

A bit later, my coworker asked them to take a picture of us. D2 said "with my camera or yours." He took the picture then told us to let him know if we needed anything else. This voice which I didn't' quite recognize as my own popped off with, "since you're offering, I'll take a good cold beer, just sayin'" He asked what kind. I told him I was teasing, but he insisted so I relented. One of the other girls in our group told him to make it 2. And the sucker delivered.

After he settled back in his seat, he asked if we were there to watch anyone in particular. I said the red team. Haha. He thought I was being mean, but I told him I was just being funny he said he knew how girls were. I told him I may have had a few assertive tendencies, but I really didn't have it in me to be mean to a total stranger. We all talked and joked most of the game and they tried convincing us to go to Humperdinks with them afterwards. Since it was a business trip, that was not an option, but it was fun to be the sort of flirty, quick-witted, into sports chick (which I legitimately am but isn't probably something most folks would guess about me) for an evening. I think I need to muster the courage to be a smart alec to strangers more often. It paid off with lots of laughs, two free beers and an invite we had to refuse.

Addicted...

2010-04-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Hello. My name is Summer and I'm an addict. You see, I'm addicted to good deals and free stuff. It does not matter whether I need said good deal or free stuff. I see it and I want it.

Over my birthday weekend, I had several shopping opportunities. I picked up a few cute things for my niece and nephews. I even found a few tops, shorts and dresses for me. But dear readers, the thing that got me (that always gets me) is shoes, namely flip flops and sandals. In a little over a 48 hour period, I bought 6 pair. Two pair were buy one get one 1/2 off and already on sale, so I got them for just under the regular price of one pair. The other 4, well, I needed new black ones and they had two pair I liked for $13 so I got them...and then there were Reefs for $10...two pair there too. Ridiculous, isn't it? It's not like I don't already have an abundance of shoes - but I had none like these.

And then there are websites that fuel my addiction.

Have you heard of Target's daily deal? Every day they post a one day only special. This special comes with free shipping and can be returned to any Target store without issue. I check the site daily and most of the time, it's things I can live without. In the year I've discovered it, I've made 3 total purchases: two shoe racks (ironic?), a shirt (which I didn't like so I gave to someone else) and today I picked up some game systems for my mom (to give to the kiddos) because they were half off folks and she'd been looking at them.

Lastly, I love free stuff. Did y'all know that Wal-Mart has a page on their website for free samples? You can choose to participate in a survey on the product or not. Either way, you still receive the sample in 4-6 weeks. This has been a great way for me to try various tooth whiteners (I have issues with the cement stains from my braces showing through with some), body wash (I'm SUPER picky about fragrances - most give me migraines), shampoo and conditioner (because I'm not going to waste $15 to try Fekkai products unless I know they work), etc. I even requested a free sample of new dog food. This one was silly because Cooper is finicky - he only eats one brand. But it's worth a shot and was FREE!

Thankfully, my addiction doesn't really impede my life. Sure, I'm not adding that money to my savings, but I'm definitely not going into debt either. It's my "fun" money. It's the thrill of the chase to some extent too. Knowing that I found a $60 game system for $29.99 rocks my socks (or one of the 6 pair of sandals as the case may be) off.

Happy Easter to you all! I hope the weather is beautiful where you are and that you enjoy the thrill of hunting eggs with little ones! I'm especially thankful that Friday was not the end of the story - just the beginning of everlasting life!

31st post about my 31st...

2010-03-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

For my birthday, I took the day off (and the Monday following too!). I woke up to morning snuggles with the owner of these tennis-shoed feet. We had heart-shaped pancakes in celebration of our special days (his birthday is the day before mine), watched 'toons and then got ready for the day.

After taking the little man back home, my parents and I headed to Shreveport. We ate a wonderful lunch at Ralph and Kacoo's, then parted ways for our own kind of fun. My mom and I strolled the Boardwalk and shopped 'til we were ready to drop. We both found several cute things for A, R, and K. My sister-in-law got onto me for buying them stuff on my birthday, but as I explained to her, they are so much more fun to shop for. I can tell by looking at their clothes what size they'll need and then miracle of miracles, it fits. That does not work out as well for me. I did pick up a few summer shirts, a pair of shorts and a couple pair of sandals that will be great for our NYC trip in May. We returned to Tyler for a delicious dinner at El Charro's (seafood and Mexican all in one day totally rocked!).

Saturday, we got up and headed to R's birthday party. It's always so fun to watch them open presents. He even acted excited about the clothes he received! We had cookie cake (my first cake of all the b'day celebrations!) and good times. From there, we headed to The Shed in Edom (sooo yummy - '97 BGs, I promise to take you there when we have a Canton weekend!). We parked next to these gorgeous bikes...

In my younger days, I might have asked for a quick ride...but not with my parents waiting. I have never wanted to own or drive one but I have enjoyed riding a time or two.

After lunch, we headed home to load the car for our WOF adventure. Here are a few pictures...

My hands in Kenny Chesney's...My mom and I before the bull riding at Billy Bob's Texas, WOF Randy Travis, WOF Sign and me with Pat...don't tell his wife, haha!

Side note...on the WOF tryout website, it said they were looking for people who would do well on stage, be enthusiastic, play the game well and who were personable. I know it may be hard for some of you to believe but in a crowd, I'm more introverted than extroverted by nature, so personable can be hard for me. I told my mom when I reserved our hotel room that for the next week, I was going to "practice being personable, dammit." That joke lasted throughout the adventure - and me kissing Pat, well that was me being personable, dammit.

Wheel of Fortune...the adventure!

2010-03-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

If you're a friend on Facebook, you likely saw the status update about my mom and I deciding to try out for Wheel of Fortune. This is the story...

About a week or so before my birthday, our local CBS station (which is really based in Dallas - but is as local as we get, thank you FCC and your silly satellite rules) began running notices that WOF would be hosting tryouts on March 6th in Dallas and on the 7th in Fort Worth at Billy Bob's Texas. My mom joked and asked if my dad and I wanted to go. Pops declined, but I was totally up for it. So we scheduled a room in FW for Saturday night (Dallas was out due to a much more pressing engagement - Rex's 4th birthday party).

We got into FW at about 6 that evening. We decided to drive by Billy Bob's and get a lay of the place. Once we were there, we decided to go ahead and have dinner at the restaurant across the street. Cooper's BBQ was greatness. We went in wanting ribs, but as you walk in, you can see all of the meat selections laid out in front of you. The grill master showed us various options and once our eyes met the ribeye on special that night, it was a case of steak lust. We decided to split it (and had enough left over for my dad's dinner the next night - the sucker was HUGE) and the baked potato (which was rubbed with their steak seasoning - so good!). Like all good BBQ joints, Cooper's supplied complimentary beans, bread, sauce, pickles, onions and jalepenos. We got to our table, split the steak and what was lust at sight turned to love at first bite! I highly recommend Cooper's if you're ever in FW or New Braunfels has a location too.

From there, we wandered across the street to Billy Bob's to see who was playing that night. Turns out, it was Randy Travis, which was great since my mom and I both enjoy his music. We walked around to get our tickets and noticed a guy at the window on the phone. When he walked away, we stepped up to the window, but it was not the right one to buy tickets (seriously, Billy Bob's could use some signage). Before we made it in, the guy stopped us to ask if we needed tickets. My mom asked how much he wanted for them. He explained that his friend had bought them but couldn't make it and told him to give them away. We tried again to pay, but he said his friend insisted on him being a good samaritan. How cool, huh? I told him we were up for a birthday weekend adventure and we talked a little. Turns out, he grew up in Henderson (about an hour from where we live now). Crazy good luck in a crazy small world, huh?

Once inside, we milled around the store, enjoyed a slice of pecan pie and wandered a bit. I took a picture on a bull - I'll have to scan and post it later. They host two bull riding competitions each Friday and Saturday night. The first started at 9 and Randy didn't go on stage until 10:30. We enjoyed the bull riding. One guy nearly got hurt pretty bad and the bull was so lost he couldn't figure out how to leave the arena. It made for a tense few minutes, but they let another bull in to lead him out and it all worked out.

Then the show started. We enjoyed it a lot. Randy Travis sounded awesome. I kept telling my mom he sounded the same. She finally asked, "the same as what?" Talk about a generational gap. I'm shocked when live performers sound like their recordings and that is her norm. So much of the music on the radio these days is produced, engineered and electified such that there is no hope of the live performance being as good. Anyway, he sang what he's known for, a rendition of Roger Miller's King of the Road, stuff from his new album and a remake of a Bob Dylan hit before we left.

Sunday morning, we got up bright and early (okay - it was about 8), packed up, ate breakfast and headed over to BBTX to stake a spot in line. We got there and there were maybe 20-25 folks ahead of us. It was rainy and cold, but there was an awning we could wait under. After an hour, the owners took pity and opened their doors to a gate so that some folks could wait inside and more folks would have awning protection. We waited there another hour and a half before being let in. Once in, we walked a roped course to the showroom. We completed our applications and dropped them in the boxes so they could be put in the hopper. All told, there were 2,000 people in our group.

We made our way in to sit and wait some more. Pat and Vanna were there in cardboard form, so we took some fun pictures. We also made a video...

Untitled from Summer Stewart on Vimeo.

Please ignore the beginning where I didn't think it was on yet and excuse the videographer. She's learning...

To wrap it up...they select groups of 5 names to play "rounds." If you're name is drawn, you go on stage and introduce yourself then play a puzzle with your group. They want to see how well you present and whether or not you call out crazy letters. They selected a total of 6 or 7 groups of names during our group's audition. And out of the 30-35 names drawn, guess what? One was totally my mom! And after she introduced herself, the host commented on how well she did (she was the first he did that with). It was so cool! We havent heard anything yet...but if she made the next round of auditions, she'll get a letter or email this week or next. How very cool is that?

All in all, it was a wonderful adventure and we had a blast. I hope the opportunity presents itself to do something like that again.

Dear Pioneer Woman...

2010-03-16T17:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Mrs. Drummond,

Mrs. Drummond seems too formal to address someone as familiar as you are to me, but I’m the product of a good education and wonderful southern raising, so I know it is most appropriate. I’m sure you get a bazillion emails daily, but I write with the earnest hope that mine will stand out. You see, this blog world you’re in is a beautiful, magical thing. I know for many it connects them to people they would never have otherwise known. For me, it has reconnected me to girls I knew but had lost touch with. This is the story of our Blogger Gals group (from my point of view).

I initially connected with most of these ladies again through Facebook. From one Facebook (Sara’s), I found her blog. From her blog, I found the blogs of Katy, Jennifer, Alissa, Kristin and Danielle. From Katy’s blog, I found Lacy’s. From Lacy's, I found Kelli and from Alissa’s, I found Melissa. We all attended high school together and had classes and or friends in common. Some of us were very good friends and some were simply classmates. Some have known each other since pre-school and others were added into the mix in later years. We were all part of the Class of ’97.

Sara is a stay-at-home mom and the CEO of her own graphic design/web hosting business. She has two precious children and a husband she has been in a relationship with for 16 years (holy cow!). She’s a wonderful friend and has been the initiator of our get-togethers. She’s wiser than she realizes and beautiful inside and out.

Katy is a classically trained ballerina (something you two have in common) who has danced in some amazing venues. Everything about her exudes grace. She married a guy who also went to our high school, though I don’t believe they dated until well after we graduated. They have a handsome almost two year old son. She hosted our first gathering and was kind enough not to kick us all out – even when several of us were still there at 2:30 a.m.! Talk about a wonderful hostess!

Jennifer is our resident shoe girl. She is training for a 5k and incentivizes herself with shoes making her a girl after my own heart! Like you, she lives in the country (though I think it’s closer to her big town than to your big town). She is married with a gorgeous daughter and in the beginning stages of building their home.

Kristin is our style guru. She dresses to impress and I hope that some of that rubs off on me as we spend more time together! She is an avid hockey fan and the Oscars are her super bowl. She is married with a gorgeous 13 month old daughter.

Kelli is our military wife with a how-I-met-my-husband story that rivals yours for most romantic ever. She is an incredibly talented photographer and someone you can likely spend time discussing aperture and shutter speeds with and not encounter a blank stare.

Alissa is the daughter of a doctor like you. She graduated college and worked as a CPA, then was certified to teach (sixth grade science) and is now a stay at home mom to two little rascals (who are absolutely precious boys!).

Melissa works as an engineer and is the newest mom in our bunch. Her daughter has the sweetest disposition (evidenced in her too cute laugh) - likely the result of Melissa's kind heart and homemade baby food!

Danielle works in financial planning and is married with a beautiful daughter. She also participates in the local Junior League. Her engagement ring was misplaced in February and then found again by her husband. He surprised her by re-proposing on her birthday - sounds like a Marlboro Man moment to me!

Lacy is our California girl. She is currently in school learning about integrative nutrition. She is a wellness guru & yoga instructor (putting your holey yoga pants to good use!) as well as a massage therapist. She is a natural born creative and makes the most wonderful scrapbooks.

As for me, I'm the single one (Hello Cowboy Josh! just kidding...) - you know every group has one. I'm equal parts country and city girl too. I love to fish, ride 4-wheelers and growing up, my Daddy named one of our cows after me. It's a little disturbing now that I'm old enough to know what happened to her, but it was sweet then. I'm also a traveler and shopper and an avid hunter of bargains.

That's our group in a nutshell. I bet you're wondering what this has to do with you by now. You see, about a week and a half ago, Jennifer posted a link to your apple fritter recipe. When she did, we all discovered our mutual adoration for you and your site. During this same time, we were also planning our second gathering. We originally got together in January and vowed to make it a semi-annual event. So naturally, one of us (okay - I'll front out the guilty party - it was me) joked how great it would be to score an invite to the lodge with a cooking demonstration.

On a whim, I decided to write this letter. I have no expectation that you'll read it, but on the off chance you have a google alert set up and do - I wanted you to know you have fans in the Class of '97 Blog Gals.

Sincerely,

Summer

Today is a Good Day (to misquote Ice Cube)

2010-03-02T15:21:00.000-08:00

It's a gorgeous Tuesday weather wise and I have a fun story to share!

As my to do list grew longer this morning, I was starting to feel overwhelmed. It was the kind of one thing begetting another that almost shuts you down. So, I decided to take a break and run an errand at lunch.

I headed to my post office box to gather the goodies (no bills = mail goodies!) and noticed that a restaurant that's been under construction was open. As I turned into the PO parking lot, I realized they didn't have a drive through and I wasn't sure I wanted to fight the crowded lot.

Realizing I had plenty of time, and seeing a space open right up, I decided to go in. It was CRAZY busy! I waited in line and noticed that there wasn't an empty seat in the house. I thought that was odd since there had not been any big "now open" announcements or anything. I watched as people ordered ahead of me and started to pick up on the murmuring of all food being free for everyone. Being a natural born skeptic, I did not believe it.

I stepped up and ordered my kid's hamburger meal (I know they aren't healthy, but I figure if I get a kid's portion I've reduced my calories some...and then I don't eat the top bun and most days I only eat a couple of french fries, so that helps, right?). The girl gets my name and that's it. No charge for my lunch.

So I know it has been said there is no such thing as a free lunch - but today, friends, my lunch was totally free - gratis - zero dinero. And it all happened by chance.

Thank you Smashburger! The burger was great and the fries would have been perfection had I eaten them immediately.

Snow Day

2010-02-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

Overnight Thursday into Friday morning we had about 8" of snowfall - a good 5" managed to accumulate in the yard. We lost power (not a big surprise) at about 3:45 that morning. Since all of us at work live in areas more rural than Tyler, the decision was made to work from home. Thank goodness for Blackberry! Except, the internet lines were down at work, so we couldn't send or receive email. I took quite a few calls though, so I still worked.

But, a snow day also demands to be enjoyed. I took roughly 70 pictures in about a 2 hour time span - some aren't great, but that's the charm of them being digital. Those will be deleted. I really wanted to play in the snow - I hadn't see accumulation like this in a very long time. I got my mind set on making a snow angel. I bundled up and with each layer, my mom declared me crazy. I finally got my boots on and said "look woman, this is me being fun, damnit!"

Thankfully, she has a good sense of humor and agreed to put her shoes on to chronicle the experience...

Snow Angel

Cooper - He was not sure of this cold white stuff!

The finished project!

No school for Summer...

2010-02-10T19:08:00.000-08:00

But I still had homework?

So, almost a month ago, a group of girls I graduated high school with and I got together. It was a lot of fun! We had all reconnected through our blogs and it had been really neat to learn about each other through that medium. I think it’s safe to say we all knew each other and had classes together, but as a whole group, we weren’t necessarily in the same circles. But that night, we came together and shared lots of memories and stories. We laughed, ate and sipped like long lost friends without missing a beat. The communications since have been really amazing in bringing us even closer together, and today, almost a month later, I couldn’t be more thankful for these relationships.

That night we came up with a prompt for us to each blog about. We were to share some of our favorite memories and teachers from that time. I’ve been wracking my brain and I don’t really have one particular memory that outshines the rest. I remember snippets of Shy-Anne camps, practices, competitions and trips that were equally work and fun. I remember working with a number of people the years I was on the yearbook staff. Selling advertising to area businesses and creating our layouts was great. I remember Disciple Now weekends with my church youth group. I had several crushes during HS – none confessed or realized – and the flutter that came with passing them in the hall and getting a hi or smile, praying with my hand on their jersey after football games and dreaming of how nice it’d be if they ever noticed me.

I can remember some key moments in history that happened while I was in HS. I’ll never forget where I sat when the OJ verdict came through – I was at the back table in the upstairs food court and the reaction was nearly deafening. I remember watching news coverage of Selena’s murder during Spanish class in the library. I remember turning right onto Briarcrest and hearing the newsflash about the Oklahoma City bombing. While those aren’t exactly happy memories – they are as distinct in my mind as driving down Barak Lane in my green civic jamming to Gangsta’s Paradise.

As for teachers, I can’t think of any that I necessarily have bad memories of in HS – except maybe Mrs. H. By the time I was in Spanish IV, she was as done with us as we were with her. That’s another post – and this one is supposed to be positive. While I learned more book knowledge in english, history and science (math had no chance – haha!) and appreciated those teachers, my favorite teacher was Mrs. Farris who taught journalism and yearbook.

I really looked up to her and thought she had the perfect life with her police officer husband and three adorable children. If I remember correctly, she had survived cancer in her thyroid – and if I’m wrong, by all means correct me. She had faith in her students and gave us a lot of freedom in designing/creating the yearbook each year. She encouraged me to step outside the box and compete in UIL journalism events. And when she had to face adversity (i.e. had money stolen by a student), she did so with discretion and grace. She furthered proved to be a class act when things in her life were made public. I enjoyed her class and learned more “real-life” lessons than in any other I took.

P.S. – Kristin – I read yours before finishing mine and agree about the diversity. When others have slammed “big” schools (most people I interact with graduated from 2A schools), I have always said I appreciated going to a big school. I learned firsthand how to deal with people from every walk of life and saw the importance in making wise choices regarding friendships. It’s an experience I wouldn’t trade and I believe makes me a more tolerant, compassionate person.

A video for Kelli & Lacy...

2010-01-18T17:52:00.000-08:00

Untitled from Summer Stewart on Vimeo.

Picking a word...

2010-01-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

Inspired by Lacy, this year I have also decided to pick a word.

Out of all the words in the universe, it's hard to narrow one to strive for and focus on. I wanted something positive and upbeat, which ruled out my initial thoughts of determined and focused. I've been listening to the Soup Dragons "I'm Free" as part of my workout playlist and thought about using the word free. Free to live it up and be me. But, that seemed counterintuitive too since I'm sort of tired of this single thing.

So, after much thought and careful consideration, my word for 2010 is....

*drum roll please*

FUN!

I'm going to enjoy this year to its fullest potential. I'm going to quit taking life and myself (mostly myself) so seriously. I'm going to live in the moment and not take one for granted, no matter how mundane and simple that moment may be. When I feel down, I'm going to blare my music, sing at the top of my lungs and dance like a fool. I'm going to laugh at jokes that are barely funny and those that don't make any sense. I'm going to be silly and goofy and make a valid effort to be and have fun.

The short version to the story behind this picture...

A very dear lady in my church challenged me to wink at all the available guys on our mission trip - which totally cracked me up. This was me practicing - who wouldn't want to date me? Haha!

2009 in Pictures...the finale!

2010-01-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve Snow!

With A, R, and K by the fire - I promise there's a fire to my right!

With K and Cooper...K loves him so much it hurts (Cooper, that is!)

Hasta la vista 2009...Bring on 2010 and all the promise and potential that comes with new beginnings!

2009 in Pictures...Part 3

2010-01-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

Branson, MO - September

Halloween - anyone recognize those overalls?

Mavs Game -vs- the Rockets - they won! November 10, 2009

Pat Green - November 13 with my sister-in-law - awesome show and a great time!

2009 in Pictures...Part 2

2010-01-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

Taos, NM...my mom and I spent a long weekend at her friend's (and my adopted mom, haha!) house after our mission trip...it was gorgeous and a lot of fun!

At a chapel outside of Austin...I attended a wedding with a friend and they had stones like this throughout...they quoted various things, but I liked this one best.

2009 In Pictures...Part 1

2010-01-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

My Birthday @ Work

My first trip out of the country (and they didn't even stamp my passport!)

Disney on ice

Six Flags with my sister - we ended a great day with Joe's Crab Shack (she had a burger).

A Post With A Disclaimer

2009-12-31T07:28:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: I've always heard it is bad luck to let anything from the previous year linger into the new year. So, with that in mind, I'm cleaning out my thought closet by putting them here. If you choose to skip this one, so be it...if you choose to continue, do so knowing that it's long, at times pitiful and most likely not well organized. Here's to leaving the old behind and hoping to feel more hopeful in 2010. Happy New Year!

It’s always too long between posts and while I feel an obligation to apologize, and would sincerely mean said apology, well, really there is no excuse and perhaps then an apology would be undermining at best. To be honest, I’ve been blue. I’m sure it can be attributed to the season and circumstances, but I really did not want to subject anyone to that. Partially because I don’t want to be the whiny, depressed, negative, sad blogger, and partially because if I choose to read old blogs, I didn’t want all that’s been in my head the last couple of months to be living on. The quandary there is that since I’m not getting all of that out of my brain, I’m also not moving on.

My last thought when I get in bed each night and my 2nd thought (after doing the math/planning required to hit snooze one more time) when I wake in the morning is here I go again alone (not to be confused with Here I Go Again On My Own as sung by the gloriously talented Whitesnake). I know I’m blessed to be surrounded by family, coworkers and friends who care about me – and don’t mistake my pity party as being ungrateful for them – I’m very grateful, but at the end of the day, they all have their spouses, their children, and their own lives. I don’t.

From the first jewelry commercial of November through my birthday, life is hard. It’s more about survival than enjoyment. It’s about getting through a day without feeling that aching hole inside or that burning tingle that warns tears will soon follow. Everything about this time of year screams if you don’t have someone to love you (and to love back), you’re nobody. Each 30 second spot from Kay, Jarrod, Zales, etc. is a punch in the gut reminding me that I don’t have anyone to buy me diamond earrings, a tennis bracelet, or the latest in necklaces celebrating how far we’ve come and how committed we are to the future. There’s no we for me and that’s a problem.

When it comes to most problems, I’m pretty good at assessing the situation and seeing a solution. For this one, I can’t seem to figure out how to fix it. I’ve changed me in more ways than I can list – and some have been pretty significant – I’ve lost quite a bit of weight, totally changed my hair color (though I’m pretty certain that hasn’t been an issue), worked on making a better first impression by stepping out of my quiet, sit back and watch comfort zone (especially after a friend said it’s possible my problem is that it takes more than one interaction with me to like me), stuck my neck out with online dating and agreed to a blind date with a friend’s brother. Guess what? Still single.

I won’t go back to the internet stuff. For one, I’ve always seen the process as more organic than that, and two, well, no one there really showed a great amount of interest in me – and can I tell you that feeling like no one in all the internet could possibly want to date you sucks? As far as the blind date goes, well, I can’t explain why that didn’t work. We talked a good bit (but not too much) before meeting (again – I’d met him 8 years ago when the friend and I were in college, but I doubt he remembers). We seemed to agree on most important moral issues and interests (except college football – but even that was something we could agree to disagree on). We had a good first date, albeit a little eventful with a busted radiator – but I thought I handled that well because he called before I even got out of the city limits to invite me to game night with his family the next week, then we talked the next week and he asked me out to dinner again for the following week. I went to game night and we all had a great time – his mom has always liked me so that’s gotta count for something too. As I headed home, he called before I was out of the neighboring town to thank me for coming and say he had a good time…and that was the last time he called me. I called him Sunday following (swallowing pride and breaking those stupid rules printed in The Rules) and thought things were normal. I didn’t hear from him Monday, but I knew he was going Christmas shopping. I texted to check in Tuesday and then I stopped being the one initiating communication. And that was it.

And while I can’t say there were feelings there – there was potential. I really thought things were great and that there was a real possibility this could be something good. I know the crazy process allows for all of this and for whatever reason, it’s been my experience that when someone isn’t interested in me, they just walk away instead of having a conversation about it. The problem there is that I don’t get any sort of feedback that gives me an idea of what I should be doing different, nor do I get any real closure. And whether it be the timing or the overwhelming feelings that come with unanswered questions and total rejection, the loss of the potential has thrown me for a loop. I’m usually very resilient – seriously, this sort of thing has happened more than my pride cares to admit – and I bounce back just fine. Not so much this time.

I have always loved to rock Christmas music 24-7 from the day after Thanksgiving through Christmas day. This year, I’ve rocked little more than the angry 90s music found on XM’s Lithium. Nothing says joyful holidays like Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins. I don’t have too much to say – and feel like most of what I am saying lately is a façade. People ask how I am – and I’m fine/great/good or some combination thereof. Seriously, do people want to know the truth to that question? Some days are good – but even those good days typically end with the same final thought when I go to bed. I’m alone and no one loves me (in that romantic way – I know my parents and family love me) and I need to accept that may be permanent.

That thought alone breaks my heart more than I have words to express. Even more heartbreaking is how much those feelings are making me doubt my faith.

Our sermon yesterday was about what kind of people we were. There were categories we discussed and our pastor made a point by asking what your obituary would say. Now I know what the facts of my obituary would say – my age, where I lived, what I did, and who survived me. But he raised the question about what others would say about the type of person I was. For some reason, that connected back to something I read in a blog in July. A local person had passed away (I didn’t know him – but I know people who did). When speaking of the arrangements in a blog, the author wrote “He was a congenial, warm-spirited man who somehow never married.” Those words struck me when I read them and have stayed with me almost 6 months now. I wonder if people would use the phrase “somehow never married” or would it be more along the lines of “obviously never married.” Are people who know me, knew me or who I meet surprised I’m single or do they think of course she is alone?

I know I’m rambling…and I’m sure there are tiny violins playing the world’s saddest song just for me. I do my best to not lose sight of how blessed and fortunate I am. I know there are people who truly have no one, others without a roof over their head and 85+ pairs of shoes in their closet. I know many would trade problems with me in an instant and I’m sure if we piled them up, I’d prefer to keep my own. I know that part of what hurts so bad is that I haven’t been able to meet my self-created deadlines for how life should be. But even those come from a logical place – there are lots of statistics about fertility decline past a certain age and more often than not I hear Mary Jo Shively’s voice saying a woman has a greater chance of being struck by lightning than getting married after 35. Silly, huh? Especially since I have about 4 years until I hit 35. But it’s also been 5 years since my last relationship ended – and there was a 2 year gap between that one and the one prior. So my history doesn’t exactly make for warm fuzzy feelings that anything is happening in my immediate future.

I know we can’t measure God’s love for us and that it isn’t fair to think because He doesn’t give us what we ask for he doesn’t love us. I know that in my head, but you see, I’m having a really hard time right now convincing my heart. I don’t know how to fix my problem and I don’t trust when others tell me I’ll find someone. No one knows whether or not that is in my future except for Him.

It seems all I can do is my best to focus my thoughts and energies elsewhere, stay busy at work, count the blessings I have and get through each day. I want to end this with a high note, but I’m just not sure what that would be. Any advice (unless it is going to make me feel worse, haha) and prayers would be appreciated.

Oh, I know a high note – I made these creamed mushrooms Christmas Eve and they were wonderful. Nothing like cream and wine to smooth things over for an evening.

If self-doubt were an Olympic sport, I would win gold every time...

2009-10-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

Why is that? Why are we so good at doubting our worth, abilities and actions?

When I changed my major in college to Management w/HR Emphasis from Accounting, I thought I would never have to deal with the IRS. Truthfully, they scare me big time. Everytime you hear the initials, they are so omnious. But alas, because my employer has a 401k, we are accountable to the IRS for ERISA and EBSA regulations. This means we file forms each year. These forms are prepared by a third party administrator and audited by our independent CPA, so I don't do much with them. I'm pretty much responsible for pulling files and answering CPA questions and putting the whole package in the mail. Easy enough, right?

Yeah, so explain the 45 minutes of tears (not all out hyperventalating, snot running crying...just tears) and profuse sweating - no sugar coating that it was heavy glistening - it was a thank goodness I wore black and good antipersperant today sweat this afternoon - if it is so easy.

I received my package at 3:30 - and it has to go out today. Thankfully, I can use a private delivery service so I didn't have to struggle to get it to the post office which is across town by 5. It comes with instructions that more less read:

Step 1: Sign pages x and y. I prefer my CEO sign them and he's out, but I'm authorized, so that's not a problem.

Step 2: Attach form 1234 that we sent you in July.

HOLD UP! I don't have form 1234. I can't remember getting it in July. I don't remember having it signed, putting it in the envelope and mailing it. GBF (Great Balls of Fire - I'm totally stealing this from one of our managers, but I love it!)! Was our extension not filed? The fine is $1,100 per day...I'm surely going to be fired and go to jail!

Start the shaking hands now...followed by fervered search through every piece of paper in my office...head to file room where I've boxed old information and search it...call our rep and leave my best attempt at sounding calm voicemail...email our rep and document preparer...tell my boss - who just encourages me to breathe and trusts the entire time it is all okay and as it should be...call rep again...bypass voicemail and select prompt to connect to nationwide customer service. Thankfully, the hold time wasn't long. It took all I had to say my name, company information and situation while keeping my voice steady.

He looks...sees my extension request...looks some more...puts me on hold...comes back and apologizes for his computer system running slow - I told him it was fine. It was giving me more time to pray. He laughed a short laugh before realizing I was not kidding. We go back and forth a bit more - he finds the extension but may have to request a copy of form 1234 elsewhere which will take a minimum of one business day.

I quickly explain how that is not good enough as the package had to go out today and I just received it at 3:30 this afternoon. My notice was short enough to begin with without having problems. He tries contacting other people with no luck. He then asks if I received a confirmation letter from the IRS. I replied that it had been 3 months and I couldn't recite the mail I received yesterday (which is not entirely true).

He then asked if I was sure hte form wasn't included in my package. I said, it wasnt indicated that way by the instructions, and I had looked through for my places to sign, but I hadn't gone through page by page. He asked me to humor him (like that's what I felt like doing at that moment) and flip through the documents. And, you may have guessed it, the stupid form was the 3rd page from the last in the packet. I believe my exact words, "crap, it was here the whole time - I'm so sorry and really appreciate your help." He laughed - bless his good sported heart!

I called my boss and told her too. She laughed as well. And more or less that she knew it was taken care of because it would be so unlike me for it to fall through. And also that I was too anal retentive about the instructions that I didn't see past them. I told her I knew I didn't have the form and the adrenaline filled panic wouldn't let me see past jail time and unemployment.

And she's right. I make my share of mistakes - but things like this don't fall through the cracks with me. I'm almost OCD about rules, steps and processes (or maybe I am). Why is it easier for others to have more faith in us than it is for us to have faith in ourselves? I know my track record. When will I ever be good enough for me?

PS...I started this earlier and thought the title clever...now I see the contradiction and like it even better.

Irregular

2009-10-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

Is there anyone out there still interested in reading my words? I really want to write more, but most days, I'm sick of the computer by the time I get home. Or, I talk myself out of writing - because when the "new" of a thought or situation wheres off, I am not convinced it is all that interesting. Such a dilemma!

My friend, Alissa, recently posted about wrong prices at the grocery store and it reminded me of an experience with Old Navy last May. Yeah, I know it's been 5 months and I'm really over it (as evidenced by the money I've spent there since), but I just had to share.

I went to get bathing suits for my niece and nephews while they were on sale. They were coming to stay with us in June for a few days and I like to have surprises for them - it really helps the days go by positively. And it's totally my job as their aunt to spoil them. Anyway, the swimsuits were on sale the weekend following my granddad's passing. Which, in hindsight, was not a good time to be shopping. But I also deal with hard things by keeping my life as normal as possible, so it was truly some retail therapy.

After locating the perfect bathing suits, I decided to get flip-flops for my niece and older nephew (the youngest really can't walk in them quite yet) since they are two for $5. I get to the check out and the girl tells me that because they are for different genders, they will not ring up as two pair for $5 (they rang up as $3.50 per pair). I just smiled and told her that was a ridiculous enough policy, I was going to need to speak to her manager.

She called the manager over and explained the situation. The manager immediately agrees to override the price. I'm a totally happy customer...and things would have remained that way, except she then felt the need to comment further. She goes on to tell me that she really shouldn't override the price because it was a corporate policy. I told her the policy was ludicrous since there was not a single sign posted that stated that flip-flops had to be of the same gender to qualify for the 2 for $5 deal. The signs read Flip Flops for Family - 2 for $5. She proceeded to argue with me - mind you all this after she has already changed the price. It was so backwards and ridiculous. I finally told her that the corporate policy was false advertising and that could be reported to the SEC (not that I have time to go there - but it could be), and I appreciated that she had her customer's best interest at heart and did the right thing. That finally quieted her.

Why do those dealings have to be such a mess?

Next up...I plan to copy Lacy and Kristen and do my version of I always, I sometimes and I never...though because I apparently am non-committal, it will likely be I often, I sometimes and I hardly ever...hehe!

In 1990...

2009-08-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

My sister graduated High School, I finished fifth grade and my brother completed 3rd grade.

On August 2, Iraq invaded Kuwait and I had my tonsils removed.

The top 10 songs were:

10. All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You - Heart
9. Poison - Bell Biv Devoe
8. Epic - Faith No More
7. Humpty Dance - Digital Underground
6. Escapade - Janet Jackson
5. U Can't Touch This - M.C. Hammer
4. Vision of Love - Mariah Carey
3. Groove is in the Heart - Deee-Lite
2. Vogue - Madonna
1. Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor

And this was my 11th birthday party...

Wow - We've come a long way! Tonight, I go to bed more thankful than ever for contact lenses and good memories!

In Defense of Fake-Baking (or real baking since I have been known to do both)...

2009-08-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Recently, a person whom I respect deeply (and they hopefully know this) commented on the practice of utilizing tanning beds. The comment was that it was an act of vanity too deep for them to understand – or something along those lines. I’m paraphrasing – so as to not convict the innocent and because frankly, I’ve slept since then – but the gist is there. To follow the statement, this person, whom I deeply respect, went on to say that if that same person would spend as much time in the Word as they do tanning, they would be better inside for it. I will concede that my life would be enriched by reading and praying for those 30 minutes a day, 3 or 4 times per week, 6-8 weeks out of the year, that I typically spend tanning. I will also allow that that enriching time would likely improve me inside and better my heart as well.

But in my defense (not that I really felt attacked – just generally – haha, oh who am I kidding - I really just needed a blog topic), all the things I (and bagillions of other people) do to better my outsides including tanning, wearing make-up, cutting/highlighting my hair, shaving, etc. could also be argued equally as time wasted. They are things that come with living in this society - a society who celebrates and values skinny, tan, and smooth-skin more than it does a good heart or disposition (not that I am claiming to have either of those).

So do I tan because I’m vain? Maybe a little bit, but not completely. Do I get more compliments when my skin is a little darker? Yes. Do those compliments (and any others) boost my self-confidence? Of course they do. Do I need that? Sadly, some days I do. I wear make-up, shave, and even exercise for some of the same reasons. I know throwing exercise in there may trip some up. We should exercise to be healthier and maintain our temples better. I know that. But if I’m going to be perfectly honest, all my dieting and exercise efforts the last two years to lose the weight I’ve lost (and work to continue to lose) were not even mostly about being healthier. They were about looking better. Why else do people exercise, cut and/or style their hair, wear certain clothes, etc?

I’ve spent the better part of my 30 years, 5 months and 6 days (but who’s counting?) overweight, pale, and alone. I’m sick of it. Plain and simple. So to change my alone status, I’ve committed to do things that hopefully shape up and improve my outside. Those are the things I have control over. The fact of the matter is that guys are not immediately attracted to a good heart. They don’t cross the room to talk to a good heart. They don’t ask out a good heart without regard for the heart’s vessel. So I perform these acts of vanity to increase my marketability. The market for 30+ and single is really tight – especially in this area. Most people live here because it is a good place to raise a family. Being that I also do not frequent the area adult watering holes, the number of fish in my pond is drastically reduced (although the bar scene would also likely be full of 20-somethings looking for younger and hotter too). The dating pool is shallow – in all senses of the word.

Wrong as it may be, first impressions are aesthetic, and the facade of me is a work in progress. Additionally, a good heart is not always enough either. (And yes I realize that I keep saying that assuming one would appraise my heart as good.) Sure you can ask how that’s working for me, and I’d have to answer, not at all, but it wasn’t working for me before either. At least this way, no one can say I don’t make any effort.

Gotta run – my tan is fading from the indoor lighting…haha!

This week...

2009-07-19T04:51:00.000-07:00

Not that anyone will necessarily notice a hiatus - being that I'm such a consistent blogger and all (haha!) -, but today through Thursday, I will be here. And for someone who has never enjoyed sweating (hence my one year relationships with soccer, basketball and softball), I am more excited than you would ever imagine.

This is the second mission trip for my mom and me. Last year, we were in Harlingen when Hurricane Dolly hit. Even with the hurricane (or maybe as a result), I came home with a new and renewed love for my fellow mission trippers - as well as a peace that comes with knowing I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Last year, our time was split between building/repairing/painting houses in Indian Hills - a community outside of Harlingen. This year, it appears all of our time will be spent working on rebuilding a gutted house, and loving people through our actions.

I will post updates and pics on Facebook from my phone. If you're the prayinhg sort, please say a few for us, our work and those for whom (grammar police??) we are rebuilding.

As much as I dream of a week in Tahiti or Bora Bora, I can't imagine spending my vacation anywhere else.

PS - My mom and I are also flying to NM to visit a friend of hers for the weekend - so I will have plenty of R&R on my days off! :-)

Cartoon Freeze Tag

2009-07-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'm copying this from Katy and Kristin and thought it would be a good break for my blogger's block...

1. Do you like blue cheese? The actual cheese, yes…the dressing, no.

2. Have you ever smoked? Not habitually

3. Do you own a gun? I have guns that are mine but not exactly in my possession. My dad has collected several through the years for us to have as collector’s items (mine is a really pretty blue barrel .357 w/the DPS seal on it) as well as a few from various suppliers (doesn’t that sound shady?) that can be used.

4. What flavor of Kool-Aid was your favorite? Grape…or red…any flavor as long as it’s red.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointment? Depends why I’m going…

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Had a good one last night – cooked on the grill is best

7. Favorite Holiday Movie? A Christmas Story…mostly because it’s something we’ve watched every year – to the vexation of many family members.

8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? Cherry Dr. Pepper from Sonic, or Coke

9. Can you do push ups? Multiple? I’m getting there…

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I have several sentimental pieces, but my favorite is a birth stone ring I bought with a gift after my g’parents passed away…it’s beautiful and delicate like I wish I were…haha. Seriously, it will always remind me of them.

11. What's your favorite hobby? Reading, movies and music…

12. Do you have A.D.D? I prefer to say I excel at multi-tasking…Do you know a question they ask to assess this is whether or not you wear short socks…I have yet to understand how that relates.

13. What trait do you hate about yourself? I have more faith in others and in their lives working out than I do in myself and/or my life.

14. Middle Name? Dawn…like the time of day…I used to think it came from one of the drug dogs at DPS…but it didn’t.

15. Name 3 thoughts this exact moment:
A. I need to read, finish laundry, vacuum, and clean tonight
B. I would rather sit, watch tv, and have a moments’ peace instead
C. I’ve been wondering if God’s will is absolute or do we have influence through prayer? Thoughts anyone?

16. What do you read in the bathroom? I don’t…but I used to read in the bathtub.

17. Current Worry? See thought 3

18. Current hate right now? None really…if I had to pick one, I’d go with coconut.

19. Favorite place to be? Here:

20. How did you bring in the New Year? In Bryan at my sister’s…she had a bunch of friends over, we had a fire pit in the driveway and a good time

21. Where would you like to go? Tahiti sounds good…or Greece

22 . Name three people who will complete this? I’m not sure 3 people read my blog…so we’ll see :-)

23. Do you own slippers? Several pair…but I end up wearing flip-flops most of the time

24. What shirt are you wearing? A green one – it’s got an olive and darker olive filigree design

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I have not tried it…but I would likely still prefer my bamboo. They rock!

26. Can you whistle? Better than Rex (but his is so stinkin’ cute!)

27. Favorite color? Red, Maroon and Navy blue

28. Would you be a pirate? Not so much…I do well to walk with the legs I have minus pegs and planks.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I’m not a shower singer…

30. What is your favorite name? Makayla has always been at the top of my list

31. Favorite boy's name? Thomas Reed

32. What's in your pocket right now? I’m pocketless – a rare occurrence

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Katy

34. What vehicle do you drive? mine

35. Worst injury you've ever had? I broke my wrist at the skating rink in 5th grade…Rolling Thunder broke lots of bones (that was the rink, not my nick-name).

36. How many TVs are in your house? 3

WHAT HAPPENED TO 37? Sick day

38. What is your best memory as a child? I have too many to choose a best…

39. Do you have any pets? Cooper – the best Chihuahua ever (except last Saturday when he decided to channel his inner cow dog and rolled in cow chips…he was not the best)

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Magic 8 ball said, “Definitely.” I don’t believe it.

41. Your favorite books? Mysteries, legal thrillers, romance – but not the oogie harlequin ones

42. Do you collect anything? Not intentionally

43. Favorite sports team? Aggies and Cowboys

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Sweet Sweet Spirit

TAG, you're it: anyone who hasn't already done this

It's been 28 days since my last post...

2009-05-31T16:13:00.000-07:00

And I am still pretty much at a loss for words. Sure, I have plenty I could say, but really I'm not sure anyone wants to read it. Unless you suffer from insomnia. Then it might be helpful.

So, I'll give a quick run-down of the things I've done in the last 4 weeks...

We had my granddad's funeral May 5th. It was a great an honorable service. He would have been proud. Initially, my dad and his siblings were leaning towards not having the honor guard at the cemetery. I'm glad they changed their minds. I made a video on my digital camera - and as soon as I have time to figure out how to post it, I probably will. I am sure there will be those who feel it's irreverent or inappropriate and that's okay with me. Know why? My grandfather fought in WWII so we have the freedom to disagree.

Each year I travel for work. I visit all of our facilities (30 in 3 states this year) to present our benefits information as well as meet our staff. It's a good break in my norm, and I really enjoy visiting with our employees. So far, I have visited a total of 18 facilities, so I am a little over halfway done. I am spending the next week in the office so I can help with our invoicing, and then it will be off to the races again. The last few weeks of my travels are to our further away locations, so while I visit fewer locations, the travel is still pretty extensive.

On May 24th, my dad presented his testimony to our church. It was an incredible service. In a twist of fate (which for me means by God's ordination), it just so happened that my mom and another member were singing the special song. I had asked my dad if he would ask if I could pray as well, so it was a family affair. I managed to not cry big tears through his testimony until he got to talking about last November. He has been in many dangerous situations for his job(s), but given my age and cognisance of those events, they didn't hit me the way November's shooting did (and still does - since the investigation is ongoing and has yet to go before the grand jury - a formality of course, but one that feels like is DRAGGING!).

This weekend we went to my second cousin's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony in the Armstrong Browning Library on Baylor's campus (Bryan folks - do y'all remember going on a field trip there? I'm trying to remember what grade we were in), and the reception was in the Roosevelt building downtown. It was elegant and classy and all of those things a girl dreams of for her wedding day. In spite of all of that (or maybe because of it), I pretty much lost it after the cake cutting and couldn't stop the crocodile tears from flowing.

God love my sister though, she took notice and subtly decided it was time for us to go. We did a little convenience store shopping, and hung out at the hot tub with my brother's family for a while. Then the bridal party (the family parts of it anyway) joined us and we had a good time just chatting. All's well that end's well, huh?

Papa

2009-05-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

My grandfather passed away on Friday morning. He was gone barely 30 minutes after I left for work. It was a shock, because although he was 92, he was in perfect health. In fact, when my dad called the Dr. to let them know, the Dr. called back because he couldn't believe it. He was staring at the results of bloodwork done on Tuesday and everything was exactly as it should be. Just goes to show, we should never take time for granted because we are not guaranteed our next minute.

Since the grandsons will all be pallbearers, they thought it would be nice to give the granddaughters the chance to speak at the funeral on Tuesday. Following is what I have prepared...

In searching for the perfect thing to read here, I was at a loss. Sure there are plenty of poems and prose available, but they were not right. The sentiment was there, but the words were just too flowery to be what I wanted. Papa was not a flowery man – though he planted them when Granny asked him to. He was a potato, tomato, corn, peas, okra and onions kind of man. He was a cow working, sharpen his own tools kind of man. Poems with flowery words would not do him justice.

Papa lived a life full of stories and if you knew him a minute, you knew he could tell a tale. Visits to their house growing up meant sweet tea as only Granny could make it, soft peppermint candy from the jar in the kitchen, and getting beat at checkers on a homemade board by Papa.

They almost always also included a true – well mostly true, and sometimes completely false story told by Papa. He shared stories from his childhood. Given my mom was from the Tyler area, he often shared driving there with his dad in a Model T Ford to pick up his brother. It was an all day event and as a young child – maybe 8 or 9 years old – Papa would drive part of the way. The memory was so clear to him that he often asked about the brick streets when he retold the story while staying with us.

He told tales of a toothbrush salesman who would give free toothpaste to people as a way to lure them in. Only the toothpaste was not really toothpaste, and after using it, customers always needed a toothbrush. See any of us for the rest of that one. He shared another story about foiling a kidnapper who stopped to barter with him. The man was from Iowa and traveled with a little girl. He built Papa a chest for his sister in exchange for the wood he needed to build his own chest as well. He recounted being struck by lightening and the lifelong impact that had.

His prose took us to Japan with him as he retold his experience of fighting in World War II. One of the most profound stories shared was of the Army receiving excess meat that they were going to have to dispose. Being a man who didn’t waste anything, he asked some of the Japanese ladies if they could use it instead. They were thrilled to receive such a treasure. Not only did he provide sustenance and avoid waste, he showed kindness and compassion to people were victims of the war equal to the Americans being attacked. He had an opportunity to revisit Japan through pictures Kerri sent from her winter trip. The day they arrived, he nearly met me at the door to show me the album and share the story of her visit.

For Papa, the story was not as much abut the topic, as it was the presentation. He his eyes would twinkle and his mouth would shape into his story-telling grin. He practiced emphasis and inflection as well as gestures to make sure the tale was told exactly as it needed to be told. I am grateful for the gift God gave my parents and I to have him in our house the last nine months. It was an honor and a joy to hear his stories one more time.

Papa lived a life of example. He worked hard, valued family, served his country and had an unwavering faith in God. He enjoyed his garden, working cows, any ballgame and Blue Bell ice cream. He taught us to never let anyone win at checkers and to live a life worth retelling.

My Spot

2009-04-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

Last week I was talking with a friend about the places we seek for solace and clarity.

Today was our second day of nothing but gray skies...perfect for how I felt. This afternoon my mood was of the second to worst combination - worried and tired (the worst would be tired, worried and PMS in case you wondered). My family is dealing with a pretty significant change in a very short period of time.

Back story...my Gdad came to spend the weekend with us during Hurricane Ike. After that, he pretty much decided to stay. He still has his house in Madisonville, and he visits from time to time, but he is staying pretty permanently at Chateau Stewart these days. It's been great getting to know him in a new way and I am thankful to have this time with him in this way. He went home for a visit with my uncle last week (and to do a little gardening). He has been totally different since he got home. My best guess is that something at the house was a trigger - but all of a sudden he is very disoriented and forgetful. He has been talking about seeing people who have been gone for years (my Gmom, his brother, etc). It's so very strange how quickly he seems to have declined. We went through some of this with my mom's parents, but their decline was much more gradual (until my Gdad died and my Gmom declined quickly). As hard as that was, I can see how it prepared us to deal with it again. He went to the doctor today and they are doing some tests. Hopefully it will be something remedied (or improved) with medication adjustments. I'll be praying for that (feel free to join me if you feel inclined - I would really appreciate it).

Anyway, so that's what's been on my mind since last Friday (when he came home). I worry about my dad too because he isn't getting much sleep (my Gdad has started to wander at night). And today he was driving in the rain with less than the ideal amount of sleep. I'm glad to report they both made it home safe and sound, and so far, my Gdad is in bed. Maybe tonight will be the night he makes it through until morning.

With all of that, and because of my recent reflections on my spot, I thought it'd be nice to share photos with you. When I had my driver's permit, my parents would let me drive around the resort where we vacationed (which is conveniently about 5 miles from our current house). In my discovery driven drives (you know I love alliteration), I really developed an appreciation for the peace and quiet that came with these two spots.

The first spot was at the end of a road which dead-ended to a pier which of course ends in the water. They have since built condos around it, so it is a little less serene during vacation season (though still lovely and peaceful this time of year). It's where I would go when I needed quiet back then...and where I have gone since moving when I needed calm. It's where my ex and I first said I love you (puke, I know), and where I often worked through a Bible study last spring.

My second spot is now a park (though still contained within the resort property). Before they put up the sign declaring it's park status, it always felt off the beaten path...though there was a definitive dirt road that led the way. To get to it, you have to wind down several roads, past a few houses and with a turn here and there. It didn't matter that we visited one time per year, after the first finding, the map to "my" spot was burned into my being.

A few years ago they designated it as a park and added a picnic table. When I went today, the picnic table was gone, and there was a huge pile of limbs and debris to the left of the shore. I'm sure the table will be back...but until then, I enjoyed the view, sounds and smells from the comfort of my new favorite flip flops (which are now profoundly muddy!).

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

The Best?

2009-04-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

How do you define the best?

In most competitive sports, it would seem that the winner is always the best. Though, I think there is room for argument there. Sure the opposing team may have won, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have the best talent used in the best plays, does it? Even the best have an off day, right?

This may come as a shock to you, but I’m not a competitive person. It’s probably why I am the queen of one year when it came to sports. I tried soccer for one year. I played basketball for one year. I took tennis for one year. I played softball one year. I was on swim team for one year. See the pattern? I always finished the year, but it wasn’t always fun. I really didn’t have the drive to care if we won or lost. The only thing I did longer than a year was dance. I danced for about 8 years. Go figure that my longest lasting activity was non-competitive.

I’ve never been the best. Maybe that’s due to my lack of competitiveness…but it’s true. I was certainly not the best of any of the above mentioned sports, nor was I close to the best dancer (Katy was and will always be the best dancer I’ve known). I participated in academic competitions – UIL and such, and placed in several events…but I don’t recall ever being first. I did well in school, but wasn’t valedictorian, nor did I graduate college with honors. I made perfect scores on test and papers, but even that didn’t designate me as the best.

I’m not the best daughter, sister or aunt (though I’m Alanna’s favorite…I taught her to say “please, you’re my favorite” when she wanted something and it’s stuck. I’m pretty sure if you asked her she would tell you she has 3 favorite aunts though). I work hard at my job (and succeed most of the time), but I bet I’m not the best HR Director in the world either. If you’ve read much of my blog, you know I’m not the best writer, nor am I the best at consistent blogging. I’m not the best of God’s children, nor do I always make the best decisions.

My intentions are mostly good – but we know about those and their connection to the road to hell. Some days feel like they are more about survival than succeeding. So I guess I wonder…though I may be the best at being me, am I the best I can be?

Speechless

2009-03-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

Ever felt totally at a loss for words? Those reading who have known me longer than 10 minutes know that rarely happens to me. But here lately, I don't seem to have much to say on my blog. I have certainly written a blog for week 4 of our Bible Study...but the more I read it - the more I feel like it isn't worth posting. As a result, I have writer's block for weeks 5 & 6.

Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of thoughts and things swimming around in my head...but they are the same ol' things said different ways. This may be the very definition of being in a rut. I spend the bulk of my time at work, home and church, with the occasional tanning bed break (yes I know about skin cancer and the risk I am taking...frankly, it's the most living dangerously I do - aside from my walk to Mexico a couple of weeks ago - so humor me).

I feel some guilt for my writing absence. You see, I love reading other blogs and am actually one of those people who get a little tiny bit agitated when there isn't a new post for a while. I have never claimed to not be a hypocrit :-) But really, how much can one person expect another to read about how much I hate being single at this stage in life, how things have not gone as I thought they would, yada yada yada? In fact, I have probably exceeded most of your limits already.

For my married with kids friends, I want you to know - that even on your worst day, there is someone a little jealous of your life. Sure, I enjoy that I can travel and make plans without much thought and little consideration for how they affect others (dog-care is not as hard to hustle up as child care, I'm sure). I don't have to consult with anyone about a dime I spend. If I choose to wait an extra day or two to do laundry - no one is really the wiser.

But oh my goodness, think of the impact you are making on the world. You are responsible (albeit overwhelmingly at times) for another beings, well, being. You are their whole world, and the things you do with that child can leave a lifetime of good in the world. You know without a shadow of a doubt someone else needs you...that their success tomorrow is directly related to whether or not you are there. You know you matter. What a blessing!!

On a side note...my pastor referenced Habukkuk 2:3 on Sunday, "For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay." While I know it certainly isn't all about me, I can't help but hope this is a reminder from God reminding me to be patient, for all things come in His time.

Bible Study Sessions 3

2009-03-03T05:51:00.000-08:00

Howdy folks! I’m later than I planned to be on writing this (and even later than that because last week was so busy!). I had hoped to blog within 1-2 days of each Bible Study, but aside from last week being crazy busy (more on that later), this week’s study offered a lot to ponder and has taken time to digest. And I’m not sure I’ve still completely absorbed it, but I’ve chewed long enough to share.

This week began Beth Moore’s portion of the study, and if you’ve never seen her speak, find a way. She is incredibly powerful and motivating. Maybe it’s just me, but everything she says just makes me feel called to do more. I was fortunate to attend a simulcast last July, and came away fired up to do something different in our church with the Women’s Ministry. I shared my desire with the right people, and am now serving on that committee and feel very good about the things we have planned for our church. But I digress…

Anyway, Priscilla Shirer covered the anointing, and Beth Moore covers the transformation. During the course of her presentation at our last meeting, Moore made several excellent and quotable points. In talking with other women attending, we have all found ourselves repeating them – either in our heads or out loud throughout the days following. One point was that baggage attracts baggage. Yours may come in Gucci and his in a paper sack, but both enter into a relationship with baggage (maybe my problem is that I don’t have enough baggage to attract guys in my age group who seem to bring enough grocery sacks with them to fill several landfills? I digress…). She also made a point about seeking deliverance from your next pit instead of delaying it.

Perhaps the most resonating statement she made was that we have to get over our devastation with God. When she said that, I believe most of us had light bulbs click with realization, several of us felt relief to have a name for the feeling, and most of us were grateful to know we were not the only ones who had felt that way. There was also a sense of guilt leaving the room as well. I admit that I have felt disappointed in God and devastated by His apparent plan for my life. Though I realize I made active choices that no doubt had affect on my direction, I also fully contend that I am where He wants me to be. Am I the only one who has a hard time reconciling His plan for my life with what I had always envisioned my life would be like?

Rest assured a more than healthy amount of guilt comes with having that hard time. I don’t believe though that God is surprised by our inability to make His plan work with all of our expectations, desires, wants, or whatever you want to call them. I know assuredly that I am thankful that more than a few of my prayers were answered no. I prayed fervently that my ex would be the man I needed him to be…and that didn’t happen. It really couldn’t have happened; not because I do not think God could change him…He was the only one who could; but because I didn’t have near enough Gucci (or grocery) bags lying around to bring equal baggage to the relationship.

I do not want to be bogged down in the lonely hearts club - or have a pity party of one almost 30 year old, but that is my devastation. And I'm really not sure how to get past it. Maybe that will come with session 4.

Bible Study: Session 2

2009-01-28T17:33:00.000-08:00

What a blessing this study is. Obviously, I am blessed by spending time in the word and with God, but I am also blessed by the fellowship of the ladies in our study. More than ever I am convinced there is more to it than my private worship and church attendance. I learn so much from those around me.

Doing the homework for week one, I had a light bulb moment that I shared with our group Monday night. There were a series of three questions. The first question had us read the story of Jacob and Rebekah's deceit of Isaac, and describe all they ways they manipulated him. The second had us compare that story with Abner's death in 2 Samuel and why David had peace. The third question - the one that tied it together asked how someone might feel who had tried controlling everything that they shouldn't. I wrote "anxious, suspicious, worrisome, stressed" and a few other words.

It hit me then, that the areas of my life where I experience the most worry and anxiety are the ones I have my fist gripped tightest around. They are the very ones I give to God in pieces...or give and take back when things are not happening by my timeline. Once I feel the anxiety and fear set in, the rest of the situation typically spirals until I am at my wit's end. But once I pray through it and hand it to God, I immediately feel peace.

It is powerful, albeit difficult for someone so independent, to realize the comfort that comes when I do not try so hard to be in control.

Along the same longs, I have had several reminders in the last few days of how God equips us to do His calling. The first reminder came in our homework, which lead me to read notes from a Beth Moore simulcast (she referenced 2 Timothy 3:17), and then today I received a devotional that said God equips those He calls. None of us can do it alone. But with Him equipping me, I can do exactly what He wants me to.

As a side note, I thought this was a wonderful definition of FAITH - A CONVICTION THAT HE CAN AND A HOPE THAT HE WILL.

Be blessed <><

2009-01-16T15:14:00.000-08:00

101 Things About Me

I totally stole this from Katy...it was as fun as it was challenging...

1. I am a Christian.
2. I am a Baptist.
3. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, leader, friend and maybe adversary – not always in that order.
4. When I am most mad, I cry.
5. I hate that about me.
6. I love music of all kinds. - Really – check out my cd book.
7. Yes, I still own cd’s and holders for them and I keep them in my car.
8. I alphabetize them annually.
9. I also have an iPod.
10. But I don’t use it in my car.
11. I love to drive.
12. My birthday is all odd numbers in order (3-5-79).
13. That explains a lot about me.
14. I’m considering being 29 again instead of 30.
15. Life sure isn’t what I envisioned.
16. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
17. I bought a house when I was 25.
18. I sold it at 29.
19. I didn’t like living alone – especially at a time I felt the most lonely.
20. Gracefulness is not one of my gifts.
21. I have scars to prove it.
22. I love to dance.
23. I’m too self-conscious to do so in public.
24. Unless there is consumption of adult beverages.
25. I like sweeter drinks – white wine and fruity martinis.
26. I love root beer and orange soda.
27. I need to drink more water.
28. I like the smell of coffee, but cannot stand the taste.
29. My blonde hair, green eyes, and lack of ability to curl my tongue prove I am the recessive child.
30. These days, I pay for my blonde hair (though at one time it was totally natural).
31. I am passionate.
32. I am an advocate.
33. One of my best conversations lately occurred at about 2:30 a.m. and involved religion, homosexuality and people I’ve known for one night, 3 months and my whole life.
34. I can fight my own battles.
35. It’d be nice to have someone available to fight them for me every now and then.
36. I tend to be politically conservative.
37. That does not make me close minded. It does not mean I have not thought through why I believe the way I do, simply that after doing so, I came to the same conclusion.
38. I can have a respectful discussion about almost any topic.
39. Insulting/hurting my family in any capacity is off-limits.
40. I pray.
41. I love to read and always have.
42. I hate assigned reading.
43. I love Johnson & Johnson’s vapor bath for babies when I’m feeling under the weather. The “stink” of mentholatum is soothing.
44. I have a long-hair chihuahua named Cooper.
45. I had his name picked a good 4 years before I got him.
46. He is wonderful.
47. I plan to buy bamboo sheets from now on. Not because I’m terribly eco-conscious, but because they are soft and don’t pill.
48. It still irritates me that I paid $50 for 450 thread count cotton sheets and they pilled within a few months.
49. Hair grosses me out.
50. I love theatre.
51. I navigated NYC like a local in February 2008.
52. I had other tourists ask me for directions – and I could give them.
53. It was only my 2nd time to visit – and the 1st was 13 years prior.
54. I have my dad’s sense of direction.
55. I am a middle child.
56. I have lost the equivalent of a tall cheerleader, 3 1/3 five year olds, 4 three year olds or 6 one year olds.
57. In that losing, I have found a new voice.
58. I am better for it in ways less obvious than appearance.
59. I appreciate the journey so far and look forward to how it continues.
60. I apologize a lot for things that are my fault and for things that aren’t. I mean it when I say I’m sorry.
61. I need Christian, rugged, decisive, compassionate and funny. I also prefer tall. Is that too much to ask?
62. I don’t like the texture of coconut. It reminds me of hair. See # 49.
63. I enjoy live music. Most of the time even bad live music is good in the right venue.
64. Proverbs 31:25 is currently one of my favorite verses.
65. I’m also partial to Hebrews 13:2, Psalms 91:11 and Matthew 6:25-34 is forever bookmarked.
66. Ecclisiastes 1:18 was a writing prompt on a practice English AP exam when I was a junior in HS.
67. I have a freakishly good memory.
68. Traveling is one of my favorite things to do. I’m ready to go just about anywhere.
69. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to get a passport.
70. I enjoy politics and current events.
71. I’m the Dir of HR for the company I work for.
72. I love my job.
73. Every night when I watch the news, I am that much more grateful for employment.
74. I was named after a Miss America contestant (maybe winner?).
75. I don’t have any siblings named after the other three seasons.
76. My biggest fear is not realizing my potential and living life fully.
77. My second biggest fear is heights.
78. I love roller coasters.
79. The quickest way to get me to do something is to tell me I can’t (within reason of course).
80. I don’t believe that having money means you have more class.
81. I respect and admire a long list of people. There is infinite room on that list.
82. I don’t put people on a pedestal. If they fell, it would be too hard for me.
83. I’m currently reading 3 different books.
84. I will most likely give up on one of them. I’ve been trying to read it for months and though I’m halfway through, I’ve yet to get interested.
85. Reading Cosmo is a guilty pleasure – and has been known to make me laugh until my sides hurt.
86. I really enjoy reading blogs. Other people’s lives are so interesting – I hope somedays that mine is equally entertaining.
87. I like to cook.
88. I hate to clean-up after cooking.
89. Most of the time, I enjoy being a girl.
90. Target is my favorite store.
91. I’ve made mistakes.
92. I learned from them though, so maybe I should call them lessons taught by choices.
93. I’m almost 30 and still single. Sometimes being bitter comes with that territory. 90% of the time though, I’m okay with waiting for marriage a little longer.
94. I like talk radio even Dr. Laura.
95. As independent and “modern” thinking as I am, I am equally old-fashioned.
96. I have enough black pants/skirts to last me two weeks without doing laundry.9
7. Some days, I just need color.
98. I love the sun and the beach.
99. I also enjoy rain.
100. I like dark rooms.
101. My niece and nephews are the most precious kids in the world.
102. I may be biased a little on 101.
103. I’ve cheated and added to the 101 things.
104. That’s the most rebelious thing I’ve done today, but not this week.

Your turn :-)

Bible Study: Week 1

2009-01-13T19:58:00.000-08:00

We started a Bible Study at church last night and I can't say enough how excited I am about it. During the initial planning, several ladies had shared that there was previously a lack of participation. I do not think their goal was to discourage the idea, so much as it was to prepare me in a way that I wouldn't be disappointed.

All I have to say is...God showed us.

Wow! Originally, 18 books were purchased...then another 9 before Sunday giving us 27 total (for those who are not mathematically minded - a group I'm proudly in). When I walked into church Sunday night, I counted and we had 30 signed up. So the plan was for me to buy 7 more books Monday. Once at Lifeway, I felt compelled to buy 10 - for a total of 37 books (plus my leadership kit). I'm excited to say - we were short by 3. And that's with four ladies who had signed up missing. If all come to our next session, we will have 44 total participating.

Not that it is all about numbers - really my goal is to make a difference in the fellowship of the women of our church and community...but it's great to do that with such a good number of ladies. And the energy of our group is nothing short of spectacular. It was tangible the minute we were all gathered. A divine electricity. You could see all the stories and backgrounds represented, as well as all the hearts truly seeking God's will for their lives. Walking around the room - passing out items and doing some general milling around as dinner was devoured - I observed just how dynamic these women were. Awesome.

Our study is Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed - A Study of David written and presented by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur. Each other tackles a different stage of David's life and teaches it from the perspective they have based on where they are. The study is designed to be multigenerational - which I think is wonderful.

In watching the video last night, I was struck teary when Shirer made a point about how we do not need an appointment to interact with God. It is so powerful to know that regardless of circumstance or appearance, the Almighty chose me to be His child and bless me with His grace and mercy. He doesn't care that I'm almost 30 (something I"m having a hard time dealing with), may have had a bad haircut, or that pimple that always sprouts at the exact wrong time - He still loves me and wants me. I'm so unworthy and grateful.

My prayer is that through this study we all grow in our relationship with God and each other. I pray that every goal/expectation is exceeded and needs are met that were not previously realized. I'm excited to see how things blossom over the remaining sessions/weeks and can only hope to leave each time feeling as exhilarated as I did last night. I have yet to stop smiling.

<><

My world almost changed...

2008-11-13T16:33:00.001-08:00

I have a million thoughts swirling and no clear direction, so forgive me if this doesn't make total sense (and that it took 2 months to write - I started 11/13/08 but really posted 1/13/09).

Okay - So that was started 11/13/2008...a day I'll likely never forget, right down to the clothes I was wearing. It's unfortunate that I didn't finish this post in a more timely manner, but better late than never, right?

So it was a typical Thursday - mostly. Of course I was fighting with the car dealership about tires... I had purchased a new (pre-owned) car in August and the tires were so bad that 2 months later, the steel belting was sticking out. So this morning, I got up early and headed to the dealership so they could "make it right." I walked out the door - and the last conversation I could remember with my dad was "be careful, drive slow" and me likely saying "I will" while thinking yeah yeah yeah.

I got to the service department, dropping off my car and picking up a rental to go about my day. My mom took her car in as well, so I dropped her off at work, and headed to the office. I was wearing my black dress, red long sleeve shirt, black tights, ballet flats and my hair in a ponytail. Ask me what I wore any day last week, and it isn't likely I would remember...but this day, I cannot forget.

Anyway, the day was pretty ordinary - calls, emails, etc at work. Not terribly crazy, and no out of the ordinary issues to deal with. My office is in the southwest corner of our space about as far from the front door as you can get and still be in our suite. I heard the door open - but didn't think much of it as we have to go in and out of it to use the facilities in the common area. I heard footsteps in the hall, but again they could as easily be a coworker or delivery person.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom and a step behind her, my brother. That's odd I thought - since he'd never been to my office before. Their faces carried forced smiles and worried eyes. I knew this was not a "we were in the neighborhood" visit. I cleared my screeen to avoid distraction (I always have my email and QuickBooks open, and had just opened the internet to check on some insurance stuff) as I waited for what they had come to tell me. I just knew they were going to tell me my sis-in-law was pregnant. (She thankfully laughed when I shared that later - and don't get me wrong a new niece/nephew would be wonderful - but with Kane barely a year old - I could understand Rick's expression if this were the case)

My brother started with "There's no need to worry, Daddy is fine." Instantly I panicked. He quickly moved on to say that our dad had been involved in a shooting. My dad, the retired DPS Narcotics - newly elected 2nd term Constable - in a shooting? I couldn't quite grasp it. This was supposed to be his "safe" retirement job. The one where he served civil papers, baliffed the court and escorted the occasional funeral. There was no room for shooting in my version of his job description.

Without getting into specifics (though you can read the story here) since the incident (a very light word for the way my world nearly changed if you ask me) is still under investigation, losing my dad was a most real possibility that day. When it was over, my dad called my brother and asked him to go tell my mom, and for them to come tell me. He wanted us to hear it through the he's okay filter before we heard it any other way.

The timing could not have been more divine - as I mentioned earlier, I had just opened my browser to check work stuff. My home page is our local news - and FRANKSTON SHOOTING were across the site in red (I maximized the screen after Rick finished the story). Had they been a minute later, I would have read the story. A story full of misinformation because the media is typically more concerned with being first than being right - though I will credit that KLTV tried to be most accurate. A sister station reported that the beaten officer was killed - for several hours after the incident without correction.

My mom left to go pick up her car and my brother headed to Frankston to find my dad. By the time he got there, Troopers had already taken him home. It took a while for Rick to get this information, and once he did he immediately came to the house. He was met by our Pastor, who was getting ready to leave.

I walked in the house and my dad asked about my tires. Typical. I hugged him tight and lost it. He's reassuring me as if he was not the one who could have been killed. Again, typical - that's what dads do. They worry about bad tires being fixed and do what it takes to mend cracked hearts.

The phone(s) rang off the hook that night - calls from people offering prayer, support and encouragement. A few days later cards poured in. I think in this, I understood a little better why some people never leave small towns. The connection is too incredible. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm pretty sure I was in a state of shock for the next 48 hours or so. I was pretty numb...I went through the motions of life - sleep, dress, work, etc. but didn't really feel much.

Until Sunday. In Sunday School, of course we added my dad and the others affected to the prayer list and prayed sincerely for their healing, comfort and for any other needs to be met. As had been our custom, my class went to pray at the altar for those on our list and for our upcoming Teacup Exchange. My family went down as I prayed and after a tap on the shoulder, I joined them. Then and there, I totally lost it. Everything that had been building since about 8:00 Thursday drained from me. And it didn't really stop until Tuesday. I maintained control at work of course, but every now and then, I could feel tears. My dad worried and apologized for the situation. Of course he didn't have anything to apologize for.

I finally got it together by Tuesday and have really been okay since. There are multiple people available for all of us to talk to, and we may need that in the future, but for now, we are good. There was minimal trepidation during my dad's first hunting trip out of town - but we all got through that fine.

This Thanksgiving, we were all more thankful than before. At Christmas and New Year's we truly celebrated more blessings. I am so grateful for the support and prayers of all of our family and friends, and especially from those at church. We are relatively new members in the scheme of things, but the outpouring of love was immeasurable.

From this I have learned - to never take an ordinary day for granted and to always say how much you love someone. There isn't a conversation I have with my family that is not ended by a truly heartfelt I love you. Time is too precious and life is too short.

I know this is long, but I wanted to document as much as I could so I never forget this lesson.

Epiphanies and such

2008-05-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

This was written April 30...it's just taken time to post it...

I had an epiphany this morning. I'll build up to it and then share. So, we started doing a Bible study at work on April 1 (we started before that - our first day to discuss was April 1). It's of course completely voluntary, but fortunately everyone has chosen to participate. We all agreed that everything shared therein, remained, and for the most part I trust this has been upheld.

Anyhow, this Bible study is called The Frazzled Female. Each week starts with a weekend retreat (which reads the whole book of John over the course of 6 weeks), and then there are 5 days worth of homework. The homework uses scriptures and anecdotes to cover a host of topics including being Mary sitting at His feet, and how to deal with people who annoy you, stress, and the importance of taking care of your body. The whole study has really been wonderful, and I feel like I've grown quite a bit from it. Not only in my relationship with God, but also in my relationships with my coworkers - which is a nice added bonus.

Anywho, part of last week's homework was to "define" ourselves. There were a series of statements that we assigned either true or false as to how they define us. Of course, I had two big glaring Fs next to "I am my husband's wife" and "I am my children's mother." Well, needless to say those glaring Fs didn't exactly boost my self-esteem. So out to the side, I wrote (Sunday while doing my homework) "My F answers are the things that make me feel as if I am now (and always?!?) indefinable." Before you roll your eyes and tune this out as another Summer pity party - keep reading - this is all background information to my epiphany.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning as I brush my teeth and have my epiphany (which is odd in itself b/c my epiphanies usually occur in the shower or while driving)...I have never felt closer in my Christian walk as I do right now. Nor, have I ever felt so alone in my human walk - and not only do I feel alone, I feel segregated by those who aren't alone, and insecure about my loneliness. So here's my epiphany - the closer I walk with God, the harder Satan will try to break up that relationship. Satan knows my Achilles heel is my feelings about being single, so he is using that to try to make me feel angry and desperate about the circumstance. So Sunday as I read the part in my study about not being my husband's wife or my children's mother, Satan used that to break my heart and crush my spirit. Unfortunately for him (and lucky for me), " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18).

Take that!

Something new...

2008-04-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

Blogging isn't something new for me. I've been doing it for a while on myspace. But using Blogger is. I really have never been impressed with the blogging process on myspace, so I thought I would try something different.

Now some may view this as a lack of comittment on my part if things aren't exactly as I like them. You may be a little right. I prefer to see it as recognizing the things I don't like aren't changing, so I may as well move on to something that may be better for me in the long run.

So - here's to something new!