Epiphanies and such

This was written April 30...it's just taken time to post it...

I had an epiphany this morning. I'll build up to it and then share. So, we started doing a Bible study at work on April 1 (we started before that - our first day to discuss was April 1). It's of course completely voluntary, but fortunately everyone has chosen to participate. We all agreed that everything shared therein, remained, and for the most part I trust this has been upheld.

Anyhow, this Bible study is called The Frazzled Female. Each week starts with a weekend retreat (which reads the whole book of John over the course of 6 weeks), and then there are 5 days worth of homework. The homework uses scriptures and anecdotes to cover a host of topics including being Mary sitting at His feet, and how to deal with people who annoy you, stress, and the importance of taking care of your body. The whole study has really been wonderful, and I feel like I've grown quite a bit from it. Not only in my relationship with God, but also in my relationships with my coworkers - which is a nice added bonus.

Anywho, part of last week's homework was to "define" ourselves. There were a series of statements that we assigned either true or false as to how they define us. Of course, I had two big glaring Fs next to "I am my husband's wife" and "I am my children's mother." Well, needless to say those glaring Fs didn't exactly boost my self-esteem. So out to the side, I wrote (Sunday while doing my homework) "My F answers are the things that make me feel as if I am now (and always?!?) indefinable." Before you roll your eyes and tune this out as another Summer pity party - keep reading - this is all background information to my epiphany.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning as I brush my teeth and have my epiphany (which is odd in itself b/c my epiphanies usually occur in the shower or while driving)...I have never felt closer in my Christian walk as I do right now. Nor, have I ever felt so alone in my human walk - and not only do I feel alone, I feel segregated by those who aren't alone, and insecure about my loneliness. So here's my epiphany - the closer I walk with God, the harder Satan will try to break up that relationship. Satan knows my Achilles heel is my feelings about being single, so he is using that to try to make me feel angry and desperate about the circumstance. So Sunday as I read the part in my study about not being my husband's wife or my children's mother, Satan used that to break my heart and crush my spirit. Unfortunately for him (and lucky for me), " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18).

Take that!