Thursday, November 13, 2008

My world almost changed...

I have a million thoughts swirling and no clear direction, so forgive me if this doesn't make total sense (and that it took 2 months to write - I started 11/13/08 but really posted 1/13/09).

Okay - So that was started 11/13/2008...a day I'll likely never forget, right down to the clothes I was wearing. It's unfortunate that I didn't finish this post in a more timely manner, but better late than never, right?

So it was a typical Thursday - mostly. Of course I was fighting with the car dealership about tires... I had purchased a new (pre-owned) car in August and the tires were so bad that 2 months later, the steel belting was sticking out. So this morning, I got up early and headed to the dealership so they could "make it right." I walked out the door - and the last conversation I could remember with my dad was "be careful, drive slow" and me likely saying "I will" while thinking yeah yeah yeah.

I got to the service department, dropping off my car and picking up a rental to go about my day. My mom took her car in as well, so I dropped her off at work, and headed to the office. I was wearing my black dress, red long sleeve shirt, black tights, ballet flats and my hair in a ponytail. Ask me what I wore any day last week, and it isn't likely I would remember...but this day, I cannot forget.

Anyway, the day was pretty ordinary - calls, emails, etc at work. Not terribly crazy, and no out of the ordinary issues to deal with. My office is in the southwest corner of our space about as far from the front door as you can get and still be in our suite. I heard the door open - but didn't think much of it as we have to go in and out of it to use the facilities in the common area. I heard footsteps in the hall, but again they could as easily be a coworker or delivery person.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom and a step behind her, my brother. That's odd I thought - since he'd never been to my office before. Their faces carried forced smiles and worried eyes. I knew this was not a "we were in the neighborhood" visit. I cleared my screeen to avoid distraction (I always have my email and QuickBooks open, and had just opened the internet to check on some insurance stuff) as I waited for what they had come to tell me. I just knew they were going to tell me my sis-in-law was pregnant. (She thankfully laughed when I shared that later - and don't get me wrong a new niece/nephew would be wonderful - but with Kane barely a year old - I could understand Rick's expression if this were the case)

My brother started with "There's no need to worry, Daddy is fine." Instantly I panicked. He quickly moved on to say that our dad had been involved in a shooting. My dad, the retired DPS Narcotics - newly elected 2nd term Constable - in a shooting? I couldn't quite grasp it. This was supposed to be his "safe" retirement job. The one where he served civil papers, baliffed the court and escorted the occasional funeral. There was no room for shooting in my version of his job description.

Without getting into specifics (though you can read the story here) since the incident (a very light word for the way my world nearly changed if you ask me) is still under investigation, losing my dad was a most real possibility that day. When it was over, my dad called my brother and asked him to go tell my mom, and for them to come tell me. He wanted us to hear it through the he's okay filter before we heard it any other way.

The timing could not have been more divine - as I mentioned earlier, I had just opened my browser to check work stuff. My home page is our local news - and FRANKSTON SHOOTING were across the site in red (I maximized the screen after Rick finished the story). Had they been a minute later, I would have read the story. A story full of misinformation because the media is typically more concerned with being first than being right - though I will credit that KLTV tried to be most accurate. A sister station reported that the beaten officer was killed - for several hours after the incident without correction.

My mom left to go pick up her car and my brother headed to Frankston to find my dad. By the time he got there, Troopers had already taken him home. It took a while for Rick to get this information, and once he did he immediately came to the house. He was met by our Pastor, who was getting ready to leave.

I walked in the house and my dad asked about my tires. Typical. I hugged him tight and lost it. He's reassuring me as if he was not the one who could have been killed. Again, typical - that's what dads do. They worry about bad tires being fixed and do what it takes to mend cracked hearts.

The phone(s) rang off the hook that night - calls from people offering prayer, support and encouragement. A few days later cards poured in. I think in this, I understood a little better why some people never leave small towns. The connection is too incredible. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm pretty sure I was in a state of shock for the next 48 hours or so. I was pretty numb...I went through the motions of life - sleep, dress, work, etc. but didn't really feel much.

Until Sunday. In Sunday School, of course we added my dad and the others affected to the prayer list and prayed sincerely for their healing, comfort and for any other needs to be met. As had been our custom, my class went to pray at the altar for those on our list and for our upcoming Teacup Exchange. My family went down as I prayed and after a tap on the shoulder, I joined them. Then and there, I totally lost it. Everything that had been building since about 8:00 Thursday drained from me. And it didn't really stop until Tuesday. I maintained control at work of course, but every now and then, I could feel tears. My dad worried and apologized for the situation. Of course he didn't have anything to apologize for.

I finally got it together by Tuesday and have really been okay since. There are multiple people available for all of us to talk to, and we may need that in the future, but for now, we are good. There was minimal trepidation during my dad's first hunting trip out of town - but we all got through that fine.

This Thanksgiving, we were all more thankful than before. At Christmas and New Year's we truly celebrated more blessings. I am so grateful for the support and prayers of all of our family and friends, and especially from those at church. We are relatively new members in the scheme of things, but the outpouring of love was immeasurable.

From this I have learned - to never take an ordinary day for granted and to always say how much you love someone. There isn't a conversation I have with my family that is not ended by a truly heartfelt I love you. Time is too precious and life is too short.

I know this is long, but I wanted to document as much as I could so I never forget this lesson.