Speechless

Ever felt totally at a loss for words? Those reading who have known me longer than 10 minutes know that rarely happens to me. But here lately, I don't seem to have much to say on my blog. I have certainly written a blog for week 4 of our Bible Study...but the more I read it - the more I feel like it isn't worth posting. As a result, I have writer's block for weeks 5 & 6.


Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of thoughts and things swimming around in my head...but they are the same ol' things said different ways. This may be the very definition of being in a rut. I spend the bulk of my time at work, home and church, with the occasional tanning bed break (yes I know about skin cancer and the risk I am taking...frankly, it's the most living dangerously I do - aside from my walk to Mexico a couple of weeks ago - so humor me).


I feel some guilt for my writing absence. You see, I love reading other blogs and am actually one of those people who get a little tiny bit agitated when there isn't a new post for a while. I have never claimed to not be a hypocrit :-) But really, how much can one person expect another to read about how much I hate being single at this stage in life, how things have not gone as I thought they would, yada yada yada? In fact, I have probably exceeded most of your limits already.


For my married with kids friends, I want you to know - that even on your worst day, there is someone a little jealous of your life. Sure, I enjoy that I can travel and make plans without much thought and little consideration for how they affect others (dog-care is not as hard to hustle up as child care, I'm sure). I don't have to consult with anyone about a dime I spend. If I choose to wait an extra day or two to do laundry - no one is really the wiser.


But oh my goodness, think of the impact you are making on the world. You are responsible (albeit overwhelmingly at times) for another beings, well, being. You are their whole world, and the things you do with that child can leave a lifetime of good in the world. You know without a shadow of a doubt someone else needs you...that their success tomorrow is directly related to whether or not you are there. You know you matter. What a blessing!!

On a side note...my pastor referenced Habukkuk 2:3 on Sunday, "For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay." While I know it certainly isn't all about me, I can't help but hope this is a reminder from God reminding me to be patient, for all things come in His time.

Bible Study Sessions 3

Howdy folks! I’m later than I planned to be on writing this (and even later than that because last week was so busy!). I had hoped to blog within 1-2 days of each Bible Study, but aside from last week being crazy busy (more on that later), this week’s study offered a lot to ponder and has taken time to digest. And I’m not sure I’ve still completely absorbed it, but I’ve chewed long enough to share.

This week began Beth Moore’s portion of the study, and if you’ve never seen her speak, find a way. She is incredibly powerful and motivating. Maybe it’s just me, but everything she says just makes me feel called to do more. I was fortunate to attend a simulcast last July, and came away fired up to do something different in our church with the Women’s Ministry. I shared my desire with the right people, and am now serving on that committee and feel very good about the things we have planned for our church. But I digress…

Anyway, Priscilla Shirer covered the anointing, and Beth Moore covers the transformation. During the course of her presentation at our last meeting, Moore made several excellent and quotable points. In talking with other women attending, we have all found ourselves repeating them – either in our heads or out loud throughout the days following. One point was that baggage attracts baggage. Yours may come in Gucci and his in a paper sack, but both enter into a relationship with baggage (maybe my problem is that I don’t have enough baggage to attract guys in my age group who seem to bring enough grocery sacks with them to fill several landfills? I digress…). She also made a point about seeking deliverance from your next pit instead of delaying it.

Perhaps the most resonating statement she made was that we have to get over our devastation with God. When she said that, I believe most of us had light bulbs click with realization, several of us felt relief to have a name for the feeling, and most of us were grateful to know we were not the only ones who had felt that way. There was also a sense of guilt leaving the room as well. I admit that I have felt disappointed in God and devastated by His apparent plan for my life. Though I realize I made active choices that no doubt had affect on my direction, I also fully contend that I am where He wants me to be. Am I the only one who has a hard time reconciling His plan for my life with what I had always envisioned my life would be like?

Rest assured a more than healthy amount of guilt comes with having that hard time. I don’t believe though that God is surprised by our inability to make His plan work with all of our expectations, desires, wants, or whatever you want to call them. I know assuredly that I am thankful that more than a few of my prayers were answered no. I prayed fervently that my ex would be the man I needed him to be…and that didn’t happen. It really couldn’t have happened; not because I do not think God could change him…He was the only one who could; but because I didn’t have near enough Gucci (or grocery) bags lying around to bring equal baggage to the relationship.

I do not want to be bogged down in the lonely hearts club - or have a pity party of one almost 30 year old, but that is my devastation. And I'm really not sure how to get past it. Maybe that will come with session 4.