My Spot

Last week I was talking with a friend about the places we seek for solace and clarity.

Today was our second day of nothing but gray skies...perfect for how I felt. This afternoon my mood was of the second to worst combination - worried and tired (the worst would be tired, worried and PMS in case you wondered). My family is dealing with a pretty significant change in a very short period of time.

Back story...my Gdad came to spend the weekend with us during Hurricane Ike. After that, he pretty much decided to stay. He still has his house in Madisonville, and he visits from time to time, but he is staying pretty permanently at Chateau Stewart these days. It's been great getting to know him in a new way and I am thankful to have this time with him in this way. He went home for a visit with my uncle last week (and to do a little gardening). He has been totally different since he got home. My best guess is that something at the house was a trigger - but all of a sudden he is very disoriented and forgetful. He has been talking about seeing people who have been gone for years (my Gmom, his brother, etc). It's so very strange how quickly he seems to have declined. We went through some of this with my mom's parents, but their decline was much more gradual (until my Gdad died and my Gmom declined quickly). As hard as that was, I can see how it prepared us to deal with it again. He went to the doctor today and they are doing some tests. Hopefully it will be something remedied (or improved) with medication adjustments. I'll be praying for that (feel free to join me if you feel inclined - I would really appreciate it).

Anyway, so that's what's been on my mind since last Friday (when he came home). I worry about my dad too because he isn't getting much sleep (my Gdad has started to wander at night). And today he was driving in the rain with less than the ideal amount of sleep. I'm glad to report they both made it home safe and sound, and so far, my Gdad is in bed. Maybe tonight will be the night he makes it through until morning.

With all of that, and because of my recent reflections on my spot, I thought it'd be nice to share photos with you. When I had my driver's permit, my parents would let me drive around the resort where we vacationed (which is conveniently about 5 miles from our current house). In my discovery driven drives (you know I love alliteration), I really developed an appreciation for the peace and quiet that came with these two spots.

The first spot was at the end of a road which dead-ended to a pier which of course ends in the water. They have since built condos around it, so it is a little less serene during vacation season (though still lovely and peaceful this time of year). It's where I would go when I needed quiet back then...and where I have gone since moving when I needed calm. It's where my ex and I first said I love you (puke, I know), and where I often worked through a Bible study last spring.




My second spot is now a park (though still contained within the resort property). Before they put up the sign declaring it's park status, it always felt off the beaten path...though there was a definitive dirt road that led the way. To get to it, you have to wind down several roads, past a few houses and with a turn here and there. It didn't matter that we visited one time per year, after the first finding, the map to "my" spot was burned into my being.

A few years ago they designated it as a park and added a picnic table. When I went today, the picnic table was gone, and there was a huge pile of limbs and debris to the left of the shore. I'm sure the table will be back...but until then, I enjoyed the view, sounds and smells from the comfort of my new favorite flip flops (which are now profoundly muddy!).





Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

The Best?

How do you define the best?

In most competitive sports, it would seem that the winner is always the best. Though, I think there is room for argument there. Sure the opposing team may have won, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have the best talent used in the best plays, does it? Even the best have an off day, right?

This may come as a shock to you, but I’m not a competitive person. It’s probably why I am the queen of one year when it came to sports. I tried soccer for one year. I played basketball for one year. I took tennis for one year. I played softball one year. I was on swim team for one year. See the pattern? I always finished the year, but it wasn’t always fun. I really didn’t have the drive to care if we won or lost. The only thing I did longer than a year was dance. I danced for about 8 years. Go figure that my longest lasting activity was non-competitive.

I’ve never been the best. Maybe that’s due to my lack of competitiveness…but it’s true. I was certainly not the best of any of the above mentioned sports, nor was I close to the best dancer (Katy was and will always be the best dancer I’ve known). I participated in academic competitions – UIL and such, and placed in several events…but I don’t recall ever being first. I did well in school, but wasn’t valedictorian, nor did I graduate college with honors. I made perfect scores on test and papers, but even that didn’t designate me as the best.

I’m not the best daughter, sister or aunt (though I’m Alanna’s favorite…I taught her to say “please, you’re my favorite” when she wanted something and it’s stuck. I’m pretty sure if you asked her she would tell you she has 3 favorite aunts though). I work hard at my job (and succeed most of the time), but I bet I’m not the best HR Director in the world either. If you’ve read much of my blog, you know I’m not the best writer, nor am I the best at consistent blogging. I’m not the best of God’s children, nor do I always make the best decisions.

My intentions are mostly good – but we know about those and their connection to the road to hell. Some days feel like they are more about survival than succeeding. So I guess I wonder…though I may be the best at being me, am I the best I can be?