In 1990...

My sister graduated High School, I finished fifth grade and my brother completed 3rd grade.

On August 2, Iraq invaded Kuwait and I had my tonsils removed.

The top 10 songs were:

10. All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You - Heart
9. Poison - Bell Biv Devoe
8. Epic - Faith No More
7. Humpty Dance - Digital Underground
6. Escapade - Janet Jackson
5. U Can't Touch This - M.C. Hammer
4. Vision of Love - Mariah Carey
3. Groove is in the Heart - Deee-Lite
2. Vogue - Madonna
1. Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor

And this was my 11th birthday party...

Wow - We've come a long way! Tonight, I go to bed more thankful than ever for contact lenses and good memories!

In Defense of Fake-Baking (or real baking since I have been known to do both)...

Recently, a person whom I respect deeply (and they hopefully know this) commented on the practice of utilizing tanning beds. The comment was that it was an act of vanity too deep for them to understand – or something along those lines. I’m paraphrasing – so as to not convict the innocent and because frankly, I’ve slept since then – but the gist is there. To follow the statement, this person, whom I deeply respect, went on to say that if that same person would spend as much time in the Word as they do tanning, they would be better inside for it. I will concede that my life would be enriched by reading and praying for those 30 minutes a day, 3 or 4 times per week, 6-8 weeks out of the year, that I typically spend tanning. I will also allow that that enriching time would likely improve me inside and better my heart as well.

But in my defense (not that I really felt attacked – just generally – haha, oh who am I kidding - I really just needed a blog topic), all the things I (and bagillions of other people) do to better my outsides including tanning, wearing make-up, cutting/highlighting my hair, shaving, etc. could also be argued equally as time wasted. They are things that come with living in this society - a society who celebrates and values skinny, tan, and smooth-skin more than it does a good heart or disposition (not that I am claiming to have either of those).

So do I tan because I’m vain? Maybe a little bit, but not completely. Do I get more compliments when my skin is a little darker? Yes. Do those compliments (and any others) boost my self-confidence? Of course they do. Do I need that? Sadly, some days I do. I wear make-up, shave, and even exercise for some of the same reasons. I know throwing exercise in there may trip some up. We should exercise to be healthier and maintain our temples better. I know that. But if I’m going to be perfectly honest, all my dieting and exercise efforts the last two years to lose the weight I’ve lost (and work to continue to lose) were not even mostly about being healthier. They were about looking better. Why else do people exercise, cut and/or style their hair, wear certain clothes, etc?

I’ve spent the better part of my 30 years, 5 months and 6 days (but who’s counting?) overweight, pale, and alone. I’m sick of it. Plain and simple. So to change my alone status, I’ve committed to do things that hopefully shape up and improve my outside. Those are the things I have control over. The fact of the matter is that guys are not immediately attracted to a good heart. They don’t cross the room to talk to a good heart. They don’t ask out a good heart without regard for the heart’s vessel. So I perform these acts of vanity to increase my marketability. The market for 30+ and single is really tight – especially in this area. Most people live here because it is a good place to raise a family. Being that I also do not frequent the area adult watering holes, the number of fish in my pond is drastically reduced (although the bar scene would also likely be full of 20-somethings looking for younger and hotter too). The dating pool is shallow – in all senses of the word.

Wrong as it may be, first impressions are aesthetic, and the facade of me is a work in progress. Additionally, a good heart is not always enough either. (And yes I realize that I keep saying that assuming one would appraise my heart as good.) Sure you can ask how that’s working for me, and I’d have to answer, not at all, but it wasn’t working for me before either. At least this way, no one can say I don’t make any effort.

Gotta run – my tan is fading from the indoor lighting…haha!