Thursday Tunes

These three songs have topped my playlist lately. I recommend them highly and hope they speak to you as well.



Sorry it's a concert video - but it's pretty good quality.



Another not great video - but that just makes it easier to listen to the song at work since you know you are not missing anything visually. Ha!



This one has spoken to my heart lately.

I saw Tenth Avenue North in concert on Friday and it was a great show. Trevor Morgan (first video) opened with a few acoustic songs (amazingly talented!) and Third Day headlined (also fantastic). Enjoy...

Be unstoppable, Inspire envy & Push on

Yesterday morning I woke up with a seriously sore throat. It was so bad, I battled my inner cheapskate and stopped at the gas station to get lozenges. After paying 10 cents less that what a whole bag costs at my local big box store...I immediately popped one in hoping for relief.

About an hour later, I opened my second one and noticed this...



Apparently Halls is now putting inspirational messages on their cough drops. Did you know this? My initial response was that it's a little ridiculous...but as I've thought more about it, I think I might just like it. After all, when could you possibly use some cheering on more than when you aren't feeling 100%?

The messages vary from those pictured to "nothing you can't handle," "march forward," "take charge and mean it," etc. Pep talks for when it hurts to talk...or swallow...or if you're coughing (which I'm thankfully not!). What would be your slogan of choice?

Ghostly!

About two weeks ago, I made cake balls for a dessert fellowship at church and also for a co-worker's birthday. For that particular batch, I used Nutella instead of icing to mix with the baked cake. They turned out delicious - if you ever wanted a variation using a wholesome chocolate-hazelnut spread (which totally cracks me up in the commercials...as wonderful as Nutella is, let's be honest about it's nutritional deficiencies).

Anyway...after we got home from church, my mom had an idea to make them ghost-shaped using orange flavored cake mix (I had no idea this even existed!) and vanilla almond bark. We also made a vanilla cake version and colored the icing with food coloring so those ghosts would be orange inside too (I would recommend coloring the cake itself too - so the color is a little more vivid).

Here's how...

Ingredients
1 cake mix - any flavor
Oil, eggs, butter, water - whatever your cake mix package requires to bake the cake
1 can icing - in a complimentary flavor to your cake (and not the whipped version - though if it's all you can find you can use 1 1/2 containers to make it work)
1 package vanilla almond bark (chocolate works for regular cake balls but wouldn't have the ghost effect needed for these).
1 T shortening or canola oil
miniature chocolate chips
white sanding sugar (optional)
cupcake liners (for serving ease, also optional)

Directions
Two days prior to serving, bake your cake mix according to package directions - adding food coloring if desired. Cool completely. Crumble cake in a large bowl. Stir in icing until completely incorporated. Using a small serving spoon (meaning the big ones in your silverware drawer you can't exactly eat with due to mouth size restrictions, but not the large ones you use for serving up Thanksgiving dinner), place some of the cake mixture in your left hand (unless you're left handed, then you may want to use your right). Roll like a snake so that the mixture compacts. Set the bottom of your snake in the palm of your hand so the base flattens, then using the fingers of your opposite hand, shape into a ghost. I liked how the indention of my fingers made the ghost shapes more draped like Pac-man ghosts. Place formed ghosts back in the pan you baked the cake in (I'm all about less dishes, folks). You'll likely need an extra container depending on the size of your ghosts because they don't stack as well as balls do (now there's a sentence I never expected to type). Chill overnight.

When you are ready to cover and decorate...Melt almond bark in microwave according to package directions. I like to add the shortening or canola oil between an interval of melting. I found it makes the almond bark smoother and a little shinier too. Lay waxed paper on your work space while bark melts and get your ghosts/balls/whatever shape you molded (I won't judge) from your refrigerator. If coating balls, use two forks or a spoon or whatever works best for you, to dip and completely cover, then set on waxed paper to harden. If you made ghosts (or I imagine this would be true with snowmen too), I found it easier to set them about an inch or so apart and then drizzle the melted bark over them with a spoon making sure they were totally covered. This allowed a thinner coating (stretching our bark) and created a neat draping effect that I thought worked well for the ghosts. Sprinkle with sanding sugar and use mini-chips to create the eyes and mouth. Alternately, you can also poke holes in your ghosts with a toothpick and insert the pointy side of the chip. My mom found this to work better since the bark seemed to melt the chocolate chip. Chill overnight. Place in cupcake liners to serve (unless it's family, then save a tree and just set them on a platter).

I hope you enjoy!

Walking Her Home

This song was one of several played during the slideshow at my Aunt's celebration of life service. I still cannot listen to it without tearing up. With a few detail changes (mostly in timing at the end), it is the story of my Aunt and Uncle. It's also the love story I've prayed for and dreamed about my whole life. It saddens me for my Uncle's loss (and their kids too) and also to realize I'm too old for being walked home.



I think it's time for a new dream.

Blessings (a song, not a list)

This song has come up three times in as many months - first in conversation, second in Sunday school and lastly on Facebook. I've typed and retyped the sentence that should go here no less than 5 times and it has yet to come out right. Guess it's best to let the song speak and keep my words silent.



Blessings - Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Courtesy of lyricshall.com

Broken Heart

This cannot be a good sign...

8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This verse keeps appearing in my life lately. There are so many things that I have difficulty understanding - some have been building over time and some have been faster in their approach. Some I recognize immediately as good - and others I cannot possibly fathom.

I'm struggling to see how lonliness can work for good; how a sudden and terminal diagnosis can work for good; how children starving and/or enduring abuse can work for good. I don't see where good can come from one family losing a child, only to have their remaining one face cancer 20 years later. I cannot find the good in record-breaking heat and drought.

But...

I believe in God. I have faith and trust in His word. I know my mind is too small for the big picture. So I pray His will be shown and done despite my myopic view cannot see the good. I am grateful for the good He sees in me that others miss and my He open my eyes to the good I fail to see in others.

My Weekend (in pictures)

I was blessed to attend the wedding of a college friend this past weekend. I contemplated not going because the last wedding I attended did not leave me feeling so great about life. I'm so glad I pushed that behind me and went anyway. It was wonderful to see my friends from college. It bears repeating, I love friendships that pick right up where they left off.

Promises

I cannot believe it has been nearly two months since my last post. I know I am infrequent (especially compared to friends), but this is ridiculous. In my defense, I have been travelling for work and am pretty worn out by the time I have an internet connection either at home or a hotel.


All the time on the road has provided quite a bit of time (probably too much) for reflection and contemplation. Which brings us to this post. I've been pondering God, answered/unanswered prayer and His promises.


A day does not go by where I do not read or see evidence of God's answered prayers and fulfilled promises. For other people. I see pictures of thriving babies, read status updates on anticipated wedding days, milestone anniversaries and life working out in general. Meanwhile, I'm feeling like I can't catch a break. You all know I don't have the husband, kids and white picket fence I've dreamed and prayed for since I was old enough to want those things. In addition to that, I've been dealing with car troubles (where I have had my one reprieve - my newly balanced tires weren't properly balanced - so thankfully, a re-balance fixed my problems. I thought I was looking at a $1,500 car repair - a $30 redo by a different mechanic is much much better), more stress than is typical and an overall feeling of being broke and broken.


There is evidence throughout the Bible - Noah's Ark, Hannah and Samuel, the birth and crucifixion of Christ - where God delivers on His word. In my own personal circle, I have numerous friends giving Him glory for their fulfilled promises. And I celebrate with them. I'm genuinely happy for them. I've cried joyful tears over their stories. And I glean a little hope in their answered prayers.


All that to say, I fully believe God is of His word. My question is, How do you know what God has promised in your life?


I have another two days of driving to keep on thinking.

Heaven

Have any of you read this book? I finished about a week ago and it has left me thinking. I had several friends exclaim what a fantastic book it is. And I agree, the story is nothing short of amazing. I got especially motivated to read it during an "end of times" conversation at work. A co-worker stated, "You all need to read Heaven is For Real. It will make you feel better about Heaven."

Well, here's the deal. I did not feel bad about Heaven to begin with. I have questions, of course, but I have never doubted the existence of God, Jesus, Heaven and Hell. Those have been steady absolutes in the course of my faith. But after reading this book, I'm even less ready to get there than I was before.

As I stated, my motivation started with an end of times conversation. I firmly believe no one but God knows when that day will come. I also firmly believe that when it's your time to go, it's your time to go regardless of the activity you are currently engaged in. I do not use that as an excuse to participate in things I deem reckless or just plain scary. In short, I will not be sky-diving any time soon.

Prior to reading this book, I had not given much thought to how Heaven is organized. Of course I've pictured the mansion-lined streets of gold - all with gorgeously manicured lawns and pristine perfect flowers in front. But I had not given much thought to whether those mansions were family or individual dwellings.

In the book, Colton describes meeting his dad's grandfather - who had passed away long before he was born. Pop knew exactly who Colton was in his family and greeted him accordingly. So this makes me think that Heaven is organized by families - at least to some extent. And as I do not have one of my own, I am worried now about spending eternity alone. I know how irrational that sounds. I know that God does not want us to worry or be anxious. Believe me I know. I've had people my whole life reiterate those specific scriptures to me because I worry more than average. I simply do not know how to stop.

Ridiculous as it may be, this has really had me struggling for the past few days. I have watched friends have their prayers answered - and for that matter, prayers I prayed for friends get answered too. I'm so genuinely happy for them - one in particular makes me cry with joy every time I think of them. Yet, there is this very human piece of me wondering if the prayers I pray for myself will be answered. I used to fear being terminally single, but now, I fear spending eternity as a party of 1 too. Another worry is just what I needed.

Let me finish by saying that I do not intend for this to sound as pitiful or pathetic as it may be reading. I have typed this whole post without a single tear or even that tingly feeling in my nose. I also would not want this post to discourage you from reading the book. It is an incredible story and a very fast read. I also believe the things that make us think are also the very things that build faith. So I'm thinking...and trying not to let the thinking remain a worry.

Culture

Last Tuesday, my mom had an opportunity for free tickets to a show at our local university. Below is our text conversation.

Mom: Free tickets Pilobolus Cowan ctr tonite 7:30. With Tina and Carrie (co-workers of hers). Interested?? (Yes, she totally did the multiple question mark thing.)
Me: I don't know what that is, but sure.

Friends, let me tell you what it is. I Googled the word and had two options - an interpretive dance troupe and a type of fungus. I couldn't make that up. Thankfully, Pilobolus turned out to be the interpretive dance troupe. Because seriously, who wants to go watch fungus? It was really interesting. There are videos on their site to preview if you're interested.

Although I know they are not the same, I often relate interpretive dance with modern-style. And the whole time I sat there wondering if this was what Martha Graham envisioned her creation evolving into. And while it isn't likely something I would want to see again - I did appreciate the strength and grace in their movements.

What I did not appreciate was all the running water music in the last dance. By curtain call, I had to run out of the theater to answer nature's call. :-)

Wildflowers & Feet

Going to bed Saturday night, I did not think I could love the children these feet belong to more than I did at that moment. But then there was Sunday...

I'm also really digging the "Instagram" app for my phone...

Happiness...

While I'm not the photographer in my group of friends (by any stretch!), I have been making a conscious effort to take more pictures. I took this one about six weeks ago on my poor quality phone camera. Then, since it was almost my bday, the phone guy transferred my pictures to my new phone for free. SO I worked this one through the Instamatic app and am pleased with the results...

I need to write...

I cannot believe it's been more than a month since my last post. It's not like life has stood still in the last 32 days - quite the opposite in fact. I simply haven't had anything I felt worth sharing - or that wasn't redundant.

I visited the motherland on the 18th for my sister's roommate's birthday, then headed to Austin for her best friend's birthday. We ended up at Pete's Piano Bar - which is always big fun.

The following weekend was spent catching up and visiting with the kiddos. It had been nearly a month since I had seen them all! Which is crazy hard to believe since we live so close. Everyone is so busy though - basketball, cheer and soon to add softball and t-ball to the mix. Whew, I'm worn out thinking about it! But I also love it. I'm especially excited to watch first-year t-ball again. There's nothing like it!

The next weekend was my birthday. I shipped the parents off to Hawaii and spent a lot of time doing laundry and watching trash tv. I treated myself to a massage, but other than that, it was just another Saturday. I used to love my birthday. I would start counting down in January. Now, they are just sad.

But if my birthday was depressed, last weekend was just the Prozac to fix it. It was Woo Girls Spring Fling 2011. We laughed, ate, shopped, laughed, drank a little, talked, ate and laughed some more. It was absolutely fabulous. I'm so grateful to my friend, Kristin, for hosting us in her lovely home. I'm also thankful to her husband for allowing us to invade while he and their daughter vacated. We certainly missed those who could not make it and I am very excited for our get-together scheduled for May.

Either perfect segue or a total non-sequitir...I've struggled a lot with not fitting in. I'm not sure if it comes simply from being a girl. Or from being a tall, big girl, but it's more common for me to feel outside the group than a part of it.

With my Woo Girls, this is so much less the case. Which is sort of odd since superficially, I have less in common with them than they with each other. They are all married. Most have a child (or children). Sure, we share a same high school, some of us share past experiences and more than one of us share a crazy love for shoes. But when we get together, we all just get each other. It's an amazing answered prayer.

By contrast though, I've felt a lot lately that I don't belong in a place where every one is supposed to be welcome. Where anyone can come and receive love and encouragement. I'm really struggling with the lack of all-inclusive fellowship opportunities. It could be my own sensitivities/insecurities, but we have not had an all member fellowship since Thanksgiving. February was dedicated to couples and so far March has been all about families. And I don't qualify for those. My initial reaction was a little angry and bitter. But as I sat last night waiting for a quick meeting to start, I was shocked to find a tear rolling down my cheek. I had not realized how hurt I was to not be included. It was an almost surreal feeling.

Hopefully all of that will get better in the coming months. Maybe my circumstances will change or maybe I will.

Tomorrow...

"If I speak in the tongues of men or angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

I've been having trouble sleeping, which I'm sure is a phase. The other night I posted on FB something about needing an on/off switch for my mind. But the thoughts are fueled by my lonely heart - so it's more accurate to say I need to switch it off. If I could quit feeling, this loveless life wouldn't hurt so damn bad.

Bloom Where You are Planted?

I’ve heard this saying a million times in my life – mostly from people on the outskirts of my world and not in reference to me. I’m not sure where it originated or why necessarily. I’m sure you’ve heard it before too.

Having a teeny bit of gardening knowledge, the saying itself sort of cracks me up. Not every seed is going to bloom where it’s plopped in earth. If you planted a cactus in Seattle, it would not flourish any more than a water lily in the deserts of Arizona.

I do not have the greenest of thumbs, but it’s not totally killer black either. I do well with most house plants – ivies, ferns and even a ficus has thrived in my care. I managed to not kill an African Violet for two years.

Every year, I plant an Amaryllis before Christmas knowing in 6-8 weeks I’ll be rewarded with a statuesque base for a gorgeous bursting bloom (in red – I usually get red). This year was no exception. I enjoy the process of rehydrating the dirt that comes in the kit, nestling the bulb just so and watering it as needed. With these fast growing plants, each watering brings a reward of progress. The leaves grow – you can see the base of the bloom – all things that let you know you are taking good care of this flower.

Normally that is. This year, my Amaryllis seems to be defective. I have three tall, healthy leaves – one at about 2 feet in length. But I have no sign of a bloom.

As someone who tends to look for signs, specifically those related to reasons to hope, this does not forecast well. I keep watering, feeding and whispering sweet nothings hoping for a turn around. I hope this is not a metaphor. All leaves and no flower.

I Prefer O's...

Dear Kashi,

I am a 31 year (10 months and 8 days, but who's counting?) old, single, female. As a result of that single status, I'm working on making health improvements that will also (hopefully) make me more attractive to a potential mate.

With 2011 resolutions in hand, I purchsed several of your products in the last 12ish days. One of these products include the Honey Toasted oat cereal in the convenient "to go" cups. I opened the container this morning expecting a healthier, grown-up version of honey-nut cheerios. Imagine my bewilderment to see heart shaped oat puffs mixed in. Perhaps I should have expected such with the "heart to heart" on the box. And while I'm sure your crafty food stylists/marketers did this to reiterate the "heart-healthiness" of your cereal, I am not a fan.

For one, there are more than enough heart shaped marketing ploys in the world. Watch any jewelry commercial from mid-November through December and from late January to February and one is OVERloaded with hearts. Add to that the "last-minute" aisle at your local drug store and any Hallmark location and it's impossible to avoid them. The last place I need a heart is in my cereal. Second, I'm choosing to eat a grown-up cereal - the addition of the heart-shaped puffed oat does not make it more fun. Sugar would (seriously, a little extra sweetness would be appreciated), but I know the ramifications go against my purpose. I appreciate your efforts, but I would prefer plain O's, please.

Now, before you write me off as another bitter single woman, let me add a final note. While I've never walked the aisle, I have married friends and have watched enough Sex and the City/Divorce Court/other trash tv I shouldn't own up to having viewed, to step out on a limb and say that married women would likely prefer just the O's too.

Sincerely,
Me

Good News

A little more than two years ago, my dad was involved in a fatality shooting. I initially blogged about it here.

As it was an officer-involved shooting (especially since it resulted in a death), the Texas Rangers (in their pre-Walker/Chuck Norris days - another day another post there though!) were commissioned to investigate. Evidence including guns, bullets, etc. were sent to the local crime lab. They were then transferred to DPS lab for evaluation. Almost 26 months ago.

Time passed without an update. My dad worked using his "back-up" gun as the pistol involved was in possesion of the lab. I thought about it less each day, but a piece of me stayed worried about what would happen next. In any crime/shooting/incident with evidence, the evidence and reports are presented to a grand jury to either true-bill (indict - carry forward into trial) or no-bill (dismiss completely). Additionally, the family of the victim has two years to file a civil suit for wrongful death.

The one year mark came and went without any new information. The two year mark came and went without any new informaiton - but with some relief knowing that there could/would not be a civil suit.

Once the two year mark came, our local newspaper (which is a small weekly paper) contacted my dad for an update on the case. When he reported that he had no new information, no report and no gun, the editor was irked. He called the DA's office, the Rangers, the crime labs and their Director. Each week he would report his findings. Amazingly, the completed ballistics/lab report was in the DA's hands within 3 weeks of the editor's first call.

The information was presented to the grand jury yesterday and they returned a no-bill. My dad gets his gun back on Monday.

It's finally over.

Praise God for good news!

Wordless Weds. - Niagara Falls, Canada